John Nail (ascheland) When Pia Zadora was rising to fame in the early 1980s she was always sold as a coquettish sexpot, from posing nude for Oui magazine to starring as Stacy Keach's teen temptress daughter in "Butterfly." Even her first album, "Pia," had the former Broadway performer heavy-breathing her way through soft pop songs, as if whispering into a lover's ear (until a chorus of back-up singers barges in, drowning her out). It was the career her then-husband Meshulam Riklis wanted for her, not the one that best suited her abilities, the multi- millionaire seemingly over-estimating her acting skill while underestimating her singing chops. That's not to say Pia wasn't complicit in this career plan; I just always got the impression she didn't want to be an international sex symbol as badly as her husband wanted to be married to one. As a result, Pia Zadora was a Hollywood joke before the '80s hit their midway point, with 1983's release of "The Lonely Lady" the punchline.Things started to turn around by 1985, but before they did there was 1984's barely released musical comedy "Voyage of the Rock Aliens," a last ditch effort to establish Pia as a movie star. It's a step in the right direction for Pia, playing to her strengths — singing and light comedy — rather than trying to present her as a barely-legal seductress. Unfortunately, even though she's stepping in the right direction, the movie she's in stumbles."Voyage" is the story of a rock n' roll obsessed aliens (portrayed by the band Rhema) who, after a screening of the video for Pia's duet with Jermaine Jackson, "When the Rain Begins to Fall," beam down from their guitar-shaped spaceship to the town of Speelburgh (insert eye roll here). Speelburgh is known for its toxic beaches, horrible fashion and camera-mugging. Also, there's some sort of beast with rubber- tentacles living in its waters that no one seems to notice. Pia plays Dee Dee, a cherubic high school hottie dating Frankie (Craig Sheffer). Frankie is a leader of the rockabilly band The Pack, though he never once performs with it. And he doesn't want Dee Dee to perform with the band, either. The aliens, dressed like they hail from the planet Chess King, have a hard time fitting in until they introduce the teens of Speelburgh to their synth-heavy, New Wave-ish sound and before you know it they're being invited to play at the Heidi High cotillion. Then the aliens' blond commander ABCD (pronounced "Absid") gets one look at Dee Dee and literally explodes with desire. Once re- assembled, he decides the quickest way to win Dee Dee's heart is to allow her to perform with the aliens.Also: Michael Berryman escapes from the local Hospital for the Criminally Insane, going on a chainsaw murdering rampage while the late Ruth Gordon pops up from time to time as a clueless sheriff, because why not? Though "Voyage" is a comedy, it's seldom funny in the way its makers intended (only Alison La Placa, as Dee Dee's best friend, gets any genuine laughs), and not nearly as funny as the drama "The Lonely Lady." There is some fun to be had at Craig Sheffer's expense as he lip-syncs "Nature of the Beast" while slinking around the woods and jabbing his cheekbones at the camera, and Pia's otherworldly fashions (complete with an unflattering side ponytail held in place with a spool) will inspire some embarrassed titters. Still, "Voyage" will produce more groans than guffaws.And then there's the music. To be fair, there are a few listenable tunes. I liked Rhema's song "21st Century" well enough, and Pia does all right with "When the Rain Begins to Fall" and "Little Bit of Heaven" (both songs hits in Europe), but otherwise the music ranges from forgettable to out-and-out terrible. Though more in her element, the quality of Pia's vocals is often inconsistent. Not helping is "Let's Dance Tonight," a retread of one of Zadora's cheesiest efforts, "Rock it Out," down to pushing the star aside so back-up singers can shout the chorus over and over again (which amounts to shouting the song's title, over and over again). No wonder people were so astonished when she belted out pop standards on the 1985 album "Pia & Phil". As for the dancing, well, it's energetic! "Voyage" isn't the worst movie in Pia's filmography. It is, however, the worst in many of her co-stars': La Placa, Berryman, Gordon, the band Rhema. Even Sheffer, whose credits include such gems as "Killer Virus" and "Merlin: The Return," probably winces when reminded of his lead role as Pia's bubble-butted boyfriend. Yet "Voyage" retains some charm as harmless, extra-cheesy fun, even if it ultimately fails to live up to its potential as an ahead-of-its-time "Earth Girls Are Easy" and is instead a forerunner to 1989's "Dr. Alien." Then again, "Voyage," "Earth Girls Are Easy" and "Dr. Alien" would make a helluva Bluray triple feature, so feel free to run with that idea, Shout Factory.

godwinj Even though the special effects rarely rise above amateurish, even though the acting, at places, can best be described as 'cardboard', and even though the final production lacks the polish of a comparable film, say 'Grease', this film is definitely worth the time.This film has several things going for it, definitely. First of all, there are some pretty decent actors in the film and some talented singers as well.There are few who are both decent actors and talented singers, but this in itself doesn't ruin the movie.Musically, watch for the sequence 'nature of the beast'. It is a bit overplayed, and stylistically overdone, yet still quite entertaining.Much of the comedy in the movie falls rather flat, but there a few shining moments mixed in. At the point the female victim helps the homicidal maniac repair his chainsaw is really where the movie begins to hit its stride and the various elements come together.Throughout the film, Pia Zadora is a joy to watch. She really doesn't deserve the bad press she's gotten. In this film, she comes across as a wonderful singer, as well as a passable actress who seems completely to buy into her character. This is definitely not a trivial task, as the plot as a whole is rather hokey and the monster in the film looks really cheap and rubbery. I personally cannot imagine myself having to pretend to be frightened of it, but the cast really does a pretty good job with it and overall. In short: Watch it, enjoy it. Don't expect 'Grease' going in, and you won't be disappointed coming out. And BTW, look for Pia's duet with Jermaine Jackson on 'When the rain begins to fall' at the beginning of the movie. I don't think it has anything to do with the rest of the movie, but it is a cute little rock video.

ubik-11 Let's see... If I were to assemble the ingredients necessary to make a really bad movie - I mean so bad it lowers your IQ to watch - I would list (1) made in the '80s, (2) bad science fiction, (3) failed comedy, (4) lame rock musical, and, uh, oh yeah, (5) stars Pia Zadora. Add all ingredients together in a large (flying) saucer, stir vigorously, and voila! you have "Voyage of the Rock Aliens". That's not "rock" like rocks on the ground; that might've been worth watching. No, this is "rock" like rock 'n' roll. And I mean BAD rock 'n' roll. Did you expect any other kind?There are so many kinds of "bad" when it comes to bad movies, and this certainly isn't the worst movie I've seen. (From what I hear, it's not Pia's worst, either.*) Except for a few moments of unintentional humor this is certainly one of the hardest films to watch that I've come across. It appears to be little more than a Pia Zadora vehicle, and that vehicle is on a collision course with a tree. No, make that a rock. A rock alien, that is.There's a music video sequence that Pia does with Jermaine Jackson near the start of the film that has nothing to do with the plot. It's about some sort of '80s biker-gang-war thing. Man, I'm sooo glad the '80s are dead and buried. Let's make that ingredient (6), shall we? Unrelated music video sequence with the least-popular Jackson. The events in the video are never referred to again, nor do we see Jermaine Jackson again. (There's an "up" side to it after all!)I guess the Devo-like aliens' scenes are the easiest to watch. I mean "easiest" as in "least painful". They almost steal the show when they're on. My niece loves STUVWXYZ (pronounced "Stoovix") the best. He's the dumb one. Well, actually they're ALL dumb. STUVWXYZ is the dumbest. Can you guess how the other aliens' names are spelled?I think the producers were going for a "Grease"-in-space feel, or maybe a "West Side Story"-in-space feel. Hmm... maybe it's a little of both. The turf war between Frankie & the Pack and the aliens is decided by a battle of the bands in the little town of (ugh) Speelburgh. You'll have to watch to find out who wins!-----* Those who know say "Lonely Lady" is her worst. If you expected me to say "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians", well, that one's odd enough to be tolerable once in a while.

ggdva This movie is an obscurity but I was lucky enough to find it at my local independent video store and I am a big fan of Pia Zadora so I rented it. It is actually a musical, though very campy and goofy and by no means polished or well-done. However, the atrocity of the film-making is what makes it so much fun to watch. Pia Zadora does her best as Dee Dee, the love interest who wants to be a rock star and she has many hilarious musical sequences, perhaps the best being "Real Love" and the hit duet "When the Rain Begins to Fall" with Jermaine Jackson. If you like a good flop and some strange 80's new wave music, then rent this and you will be laughing and scratching your head for days.