Leofwine_draca Comic westerns were all the rage back in the early '70s, spearheaded by the success of Terence Hill and Bud Spencer in their many pairings. I have to confess that I'm not really a big fan of the genre. Sure, I like some of the movies on occasion, but the overriding goofiness and silly slapstick can quickly outstay its welcome for me. So when I sat down to watch TRINITY AND SARTANA, SONS OF BITCHES, I was in for a bum-numbing viewing experience. This is a one-hour-and-forty-five-minute movie that easily feels double that length, thanks to the plodding, barely-existent storyline and the sheer number of extraneous characters and sub-plots that go nowhere. Essentially this is a film where our two heroes wander around, getting into one scrape after another, but always coming out on top.Headlining the cast is Robert Widmark, who starred in a series of Italian/Turkish rip-offs known as the Three Superguys series, which in turn ripped off the 'Three Supermen' films popular in Italy. I've never liked Widmark and here, he's resplendent in cowboy gear, complete with gold locks and his trademark impish character. He struts his stuff in a series of athletic fight scenes, doing some Yuen Biao-style wall-jumps and essentially acting as a knockabout fighter a la Jackie Chan. Unfortunately Widmark remains frankly annoying throughout the entire movie, so his role is a big turn-off for me. However, he's countered by the second star, Harry Baird, a black British muscleman who first starred in the likes of THOR AND THE AMAZON WOMEN before turning to spaghetti westerns in the 1970s. In a word, Baird is fantastic, a performer with a gift for comedy – witness his expressions and his timing. It's a real shame that he developed blindness due to glaucoma and had to give up acting, because I've really liked this guy, no matter how bad the film is in which he's starring.The rest of the cast are essentially irritating, especially the guy playing 'El Tigre', whose overacting knows no limits. So what of the story? I admit, I found it hard to follow, with my attention wandering on more than one occasion. There are bar-room brawls (one at the end lasts a good ten minutes!), Widmark using some kind of heavy Gatling gun to tackle enemies, and a distinct lack of any kind of violence or bloodshed – this is tame, kiddie stuff all the way. The action fails to ignite the screen and the film as a whole feels like a bloated mess, with only Baird's appearance making things slightly bearable. In all other ways I find this a failure.

classicsoncall Not too long ago I watched the John Wayne film "McLintock!", and that one had a a pretty decent mudhole brawl involving all of it's well known cast. Now "Trinity and Santana Are Coming" isn't going to be considered in the same league with a Wayne film, or just about any other reputable Western for that matter, but it's got probably the longest saloon brawl I've seen yet, clocking in at just about a full seven minutes on screen. Try watching anything for seven minutes when you've got the stopwatch running and that's a pretty long time. So as goofy as this flick is, that bar fight makes my IMDb 'Best Western Brawls' list elsewhere on this site.As for the rest of the story, let's just say it was filler for a couple of saddle tramp buddies (Robert Widmark and Harry Baird) to team up, raise hell and rob banks, only to have Trinity (Baird, from Trinidad) give it away to those less fortunate. I saw this picture under the title "Trinity and Santana... Those Dirty SOB's" and you know, it kind of fits. But their likable SOB's as far as that goes, even if it doesn't go very far.You know, the name Robert Widmark had me going for a while because depending on the angle, the Trinity character did have a passing resemblance to a young Richard Widmark. So it was a little surprising to see that his real name is Alberto Dell'Acqua. Had I been a real serious follower of this spaghetti Western genre stuff I would have known better, but it's just one more way for the film makers to rip off the Terence Hall/Bud Spencer pair of films. Not to be too harsh though, it's an entertaining flick with it's requisite high flying antics by Widmark's Trinity, and his affable, equally sharp shooting pal Santana.

Chris Haskell This is a pretty silly movie. If this was in the Police Academy series of movies, it would be somewhere between Assignment Miami Beach (where they still made an effort to care about the series) and City Under Siege (the official F*** it, let's go make some cash sequel). The jokes are plentiful and plenti-awful, and the romance is super cheese. This is still definitely a genre movie, however, and all the reasons to enjoy Spaghetti Westerns exist in this world, even if on a watered down level. There is one thing in particular that really makes this movie watching, however, and that is the crazy Parkour moves of the Sartana character! He's all over the place, extremely athletic, and makes the fights/escapes very entertaining.Rating: 18/40

Billy Wiggins First things first: get past the exploitive title, as this has no bearing on either the Terence Hill "Trinity" or the Gianni Garko "Sartana" series. You'll notice straightaway that Trinity is played by a black man (given his name, it is quickly explained, because he hails from Trinidad). And Sartana, although a handsome blonde, is more vagabond scoundrel than Garko's finely- dressed card-sharp. At least the two men are called by their titular names in the picture, which is untrue of some cash-in Western characters.You'll find the film to be an affable, meandering, buddy-western comedy with no grand aspirations, but yet an agreeable watch for the genre fan.The loose plot of the pic has our two partners-in-crime planning various schemes in order to line their pockets, and specifically to raise the $5000 necessary for Trinity to return to his homeland. Along the way, our heroes encounter the usual bumps in the road: crooked town bosses, pretty girls with bottles of wine, crusty old traveling musicians, Mexican bandits, etc. After numerous starts and stops, their final heist involves robbing a stagecoach headed for the US/Mexico border.Despite the impediment of dubbed performances, I was quite enamored of Harry Baird as Trinity and Alberto ("Robert Widmark") Dell'Acqua as Sartana. Widmark, who we can only assume took his stage name from his slight resemblance to Richard Widmark, is a fresh- faced, grinning SOB who brings a spirit of mirth to his antics. He is also quite adept at acrobatic hand-to-hand combat and leaping stunts, bringing to mind Jackie Chan during the film's various brawls. Baird is more the straight man, with deadpan one-liners and reaction shots appropriately scattered throughout the proceedings.A "funny", circus-like theme (by Carlo Savina) repeats here and there just to remind us not to take any of this too seriously -- the music is infectious and is one of the film's assets.I saw a cropped, non-pan&scan version (101min) of this on a budget DVD, which detracted from the experience a bit. Don't know if a widescreen version is to be had anywhere but would be a great improvement.TRINITY AND SARTANA, THOSE DIRTY SONS OF B****** (as the on screen title reads) plays as a genial, unimposing Spaghetti Western buddy comedy. Taken in the correct spirit it serves its purpose, led along by its two fine leads and a what-the-heck attitude. 6/10.