Bezenby Ain't Treasure Island the best story ever about a bunch of adults trying to kill a child? This is a version from the nineties that I picked up for seven pence, with Jack Palance as Long John Silver. I'm still holding out for a copy of that Italian one set in space, because there's no way that can't not be not good.You know the story: Some fud called Jack works in a doss house in Cornwall while his mum lies in bed claiming Employment Support Allowance. One day this tosser turns up and gets wasted and tells Jack to watch out for a guy with one leg (whom I'd imagine is also claiming some sort of disability benefit). Then this blind guy turns up (more disability benefit) and curses the other guy. Before you know it loads of guys turns up and try and kill everyone and Jack ends up with a map and so on and so forth. After nearly being killed several times by various pirates, Jack ends up on a ship with a small crew of English gentleman and a much larger crew of obvious pirates who are definitely not just waiting to kill the gentry and get a hold of that map. Jack Palance shows up as definitely not the leader of the pirates and they all head of for some island. Following some man on man love action that was cut from most versions of this film (they are at see for months you know and no one likes to be alone), they all finally get to the island so they can start killing each other. By this time Jack's run off and met this arsehole called Ben Gunn, Silver's got his pirates up against the gentry, and there's a battle on the beach where only a few live to travel the sea once more. The End. What you'll notice first is that the island is this version of treasure island is a bit…Nothern European. I had it pegged as Ireland but it turns out to be the Isle of Man (you know, that island where everyone has three legs). You'll also notice that they didn't bother doing anything with Bristol and just used the city as it looks today (including the hookers). This story can't be ruined so it's a fair bet you'll enjoy this one.Now go away, I'm overdue my injection of smack. (The preceding is a transcription of the 1996 episode of FILM '99 with Barry Norman)

culmo80 Stevenson's classic is loved by generations for many reasons and this retelling of the story cuts all those reasons out.Spoilers: First, the treatment of Jim by the Doctor, Squire, and Captain is all wrong. They take advantage of him, sell him out to the pirates, cut him out of his share of the treasure and try to kill him. What? Jim was never in league with the pirates and the gentlemen (Doctor, Squire, and Captain) remain honest and help Jim in the story. Only when he slips away to get to the ship do they think he may have gone over to the pirates.The action is also a bit lackluster. The group's escape from the ship felt anti-climatic...almost like a leisurely departure with a few shots.Then there is no assault on the stockade, which was a major part of the original story.And the bargaining between the Doctor and pirates isn't quite explained...why would they give up the map for Jim, whom they already have disowned? In the book, they exchange the map for free passage out of the stockade (already knowing that the treasure was gone because Ben Gunn had joined them).And just where did they film this movie? It looks like it could be off the coast of Newfoundland or something...hardly the tropic environment of the original story.The only redeeming value of this film was Jack Palance. Too bad they couldn't have built a better film around him.

tzer0 Don't watch this version if you loved the classic. Has virtually nothing to do with the original story. The heroes are turned into villains and killed off, along with most if not all of the original dialog. If only they had done this same with this film in pre-production. Having read the book recently, I've gone back and watched the original film and the Disney remake. I thought this might be fun for comparison. Fun is not quite the word. Jack Palance is about as good a substitute for Long John Silver as the Isle Of Mann is for a tropical island with a few hot house plants stuck in the background. What is going on in Canada? I'd say there were some strange films coming from there lately, but this is ten years old and strange doesn't begin to describe it. More like bizarre! And here is the Spoiler of Spoilers in a pre-spoiled mess. Instead of Jim Hawkins sailing back to England with the good guys and the treasure, they kill the bad guys and good guys, and he runs off to Panama with it with Long John and Ben Gunn. Wait? What? That's right. And Long John doesn't even know the names of the sails even though he's supposed to be a sailor. Huh? What? The bad guys are bad. The good guys are bad. Everyone dies. And the last two members of Flint's crew don't know anything about sailing.

choco_aslan Jack Palance is magnificent as Long John Silver in this sparkling new adaptation of an old classic. Packed with a stellar cast of great British character actors and three Hollywood stars, it must rank among the top 5 versions ever made of Robert Louis Stevenson's legendary novel. Shame there's only one sexy female, but at least she was well cast - Sarah Holland played the saucy strumpet with a charm, power and sincerity that made me wish we'd seen more of her. It's true that the Isle of Man location left a lot to be desired, but it was fresh, different and added a surprise zing to the action. All in all, a cracking film worthy of more than a passing nod.