Sam_Youno A few years ago I came across this extremely soft-porn film on eBay, while looking for theme gifts for the musical director (a very religious woman) of our community-theatre version of Broadway's "Titanic: The Musical." Naturally, I had to watch at least part of the video (originally titled "TITanic 2000") before giving it to her (lots of fraud on eBay these days). I still find it difficult to believe that this "film" (giving it the benefit of the doubt) was ever made. Suffice it to say that every piece of hard porn, soft porn, mindless violence, mass-produced kiddie animation, carpet sweepings, 10-week-old popcorn, doggie poop and anything else in your local video store is vastly superior to this (with the exception of James Cameron's "Titanic").But do I consider my purchase a waste? Not at all!! Since that first year, the presentation of "Titanic 2000" to the most -- ahem -- DESERVING member of the orchestra has become a valued tradition. Every honoured recipient so far has vigorously denied even opening the case, but there sure were a lot of fingerprints on the disc when it was returned to me yesterday, ready for this year's ceremony.Jealous of all the fun we have, down in the dark of the orchestra pit? We still need a harpist and a bassoonist. Drop me a note!

lastliberal Between Walter Lord's 1958 film "A Night to Remember" and this one, there was James Cameron's disaster film with Leonardo DiCaprio. This film has Leoardo, but it was Sir Leonardo of DiCapro.Renamed "Scary Sexy Disaster Movie," there was certainly nothing scary and the disaster was the movie itself. It looked as if they put out a casting call on My Space, and the sets looked similar to those homemade Halloween costumes.At least they did not have to waste money on life vests, as the stars (Tammy Parks and Tina Krause) were equipped with natural flotation devices. Tammy Parks, as the Vampire of the TITanic, gave us two delightful performances during the film. That was it. The rest of the film was a total waste.At least I didn't have to listen to "My Heart Will Go On."

ajk718 the year is 2000 and the titanic (excuse me, the TITanic as they call it in this soft-core flick) is being rebuilt for another doomed voyage from new york to england in this failure of spoof of the 1997 hit movie titanic with Leonardo Di caprio and Kate winslet. however, they had to make some changes in building the ship. for example, in order to have enough money to buy the captain is golden steering wheel, which ends up being stolen, they had to finish the ship in aluminum. in addition, all of the life boats had to be taken off the ship so the weight capacity can include a snotty rich man's car. in this film, there is also an unexpected passenger on board the ship, the sexy lesbian vampire vladima and her two henchman.the movie opens in Staten island (vladima's home) with a lesbian sex scene between vladima and a girl that she hoped would be strong enough to survive her need for human blood to become her queen. however, all the girls she chooses end of dying so she decides to go on board the TITanic in search for a stronger prey.later, we also meet Shari o'Kari (played by the very sexy seduction cinema regular Tina Krause). her rock-star boyfriend is only interested in booze and his music and is totally unaware of his girlfriend when she strips in front of him and wants to have sex with him. after being refused, she leaves the room and attempts suicide just like Kate winslet's character does in the original motion picture. an inspiring yet very unsuccessful painter, unlike the Di caprio's character, stops her and invites her to his room to paint her nude. after seeing his horrible work, o'Kari leaves and we see her on the deck completely nude which is where vladima finds her. the next evening, vladima seduces Shari by forcing her to watch her have sex with her next victim, who also dies. she tells her that she has chosen her as her queen because she honestly feels that she is strong enough.overall, the movie was a joke!! the only thing that saved it and the only reason why i didn't give it only one star was that the cast included one of the hottest actresses: Tina Krause. however, i was very disappointed that there was no love scene between her and vladima, which i was definitely expecting. i was also disappointed by the fact that misty mundae, my favorite of the seduction cinema stars, did not get a bigger role. if you look closely, she plays one of the instruments in the band.

dokujaryu I bought this movie as a joke gift for a "sexually liberated" friend of mine. Unable to withstand the pull a horrible movie, I sneaked out the DVD and attempted to watch it. About 5 minutes into it, I almost lost consciousness and/or tried to take my own life. This was a bad movie with real power. After amassing some friends of mine who had actually seen titanic, we sat down to watch this horrible, horrible piece of work. I actually timed how long it took my friends to leave the room from what I like to call "Movie Sickness." A friend of mine who actually adores Titanic, stayed a total of 34 minutes before needed a breather. Watch this if you love stupid movies! Here is a quick run down. After killing everyone she bites, a "beautiful and voluptuous lesbian vampire named Vladamina" decides that a trip to Europe to continue her search for a queen is a good idea. With her trusty henchmen, pulled right out of Frankenstien and The Adams Family (Igor and Lurch), she boards this "ship of fools." Soon after it is told that because of the golden steering wheel that the captain demanded having, half of the ships hull was made of aluminum. But not just any aluminum. Aluminum foil.The CGI is laughable, the acting is right on bad, and the plot will make you puke. Watch it with friends! This is not a warning! Lastly, if you want to see REALLY bad. Flip the DVD over and watch Suzie's Bad Day. One of my friends who literally LOVES bad movies had to leave because he felt sick. Made with a camcorder, it shows the adventures a girl has when she just can't go through a day without being strangled. It's horrid. You will need therapy. I HIGHLY suggest you add this to you DVD collection!