VAndolini After seeing the original with Christopher Lee, never in my wildest nightmares did I think such a remake could even make it out of the editing room. This is not just bad, it is murder of the first degree of a wonderful earlier version. Sure the story is fanciful, but the original at least MOVED, the actors had PRESENCE, the ending was shocking not hysterical. How the mighty Cage has fallen. I really do love Cage as an actor - I think he is talented. But what in the name of all that is holy is responsible for his bumbling, shrieking, over acting, drooling performance here? Did he owe Lucifer something? This is BAD. REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BAD. So bad I almost died laughing at the absurdity of the the trainwreck on the screen. Good God Nicolas, come on!!! Take some time off and remember the days where your talent actually won you a well deserved Oscar. Please do not EVER utter these phrases on screen: "How did it get burned? How did it get burneddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd?" and the immortal "Not he beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!!!!" Finally, what the hell is Ellen Burstyn doing in this, one of the finest actresses of all time? Did she kill scads of bees and had to atone for it by appearing in this mess?

Douglas Skinner This movie starts out interestingly but becomes very tedious as soon as one recognizes that the woman the protagonist (played by Mr. Cage) has come to a remote island to save isn't very interesting--or worth saving for that matter. Plus, upon arrival, the feminist community he encounters is absurd, even in fantasy terms. There is nothing endearing about it and, frankly, most sensible males would have immediately debarked upon encountering the sour-faced and well, to put it nicely, ample Sister Beech.But our hero decides to pursue the case. (The screen writers were evidently uneasy about tenacity with which Malus stays on the case so, midstream, we learn from Sister Woodward that the child in question is really his daughter conceived what I inferred was a single coupling.) After some reconnaissance of the local flora and a couple of clandestine meetings with "Sister" Woodward our hero finally meets the "queen bee", Sister Summersisle, of the colony and tries to confront her concerning the whereabouts and fate of a young girl with the absurd name of Rowan. (But it was evident that all the women were named after trees, so there you have it!) Sister Summersisle's responses are meretricious and patronizing and the viewer knows she's gonna get him in the end. The incongruity between the flower-child paganism of the female inhabitants with their likeness to bees and trees and the miserable emasculation of the men is disturbing but somehow it doesn't come off right; because it is almost believable! It's just the kind of queendom that formed the fantasies of the feminist coeds I encountered in my college days in the late 60s. As it was then it just makes you (me anyway, as a guy) frustrated and talking to the screen, asking Malus why he doesn't jack up these male bozos for being so wimpy; at least enough to find out whether their servility is based on weak character or some mysterious rewiring of the human male along the lines of a bee drone. (I asked the same questions almost 50 years ago!)Now I admit that police officer Malus is kind of an, to use that word so endearing to modern feminists, a**hole but he is sincere in his response to the call to help. Does this warrant his final incendiary end, with the gleeful complicity of an cute little girl (who scarcely knows what she's doing)? Probably yes because, as the movie makes clear, his macho is the dilithium power source of the cult and so must be harnessed. You see, unlike the feminists and very much like the bees, they've learned how to utilize maleness. Ultimate simplicity, no wrangling, no male unemployment so destructive to an ordered society (and it is!), no physical contest naturally favoring men, just emasculation for lesser beings and an auto da fe for those occasional potent types who are selected in advance to "mate" with the queen (we learn towards the end that Malus' and Woodward's consummation was no accident as she is the daughter of the queen bee). And I'm reasonably confident that this is the movie's ultimate and intended message. So guys, beware!

Screen_Blitz Neil LaBute's re-imagining of the 1973 classic horror serves as just another representation of horror remakes falling deeply interior in their original outing, with scares that more often than provoke unintentional laughter than spine chills; and not in an effective way incorporated in comedy-horror hybrids. The film never rises at the surface level of the cinematically inept, and instead relies heavily on a poorly executed plot and a script that falls shallow of nuance but feels sorely miscalculated at the point of leaving the average scratching their head pondering "What was director LaBute thinking?". And a laughably incompetent performance uprooted by Nicolas Cage certainly doesn't do much justice. So this film follows Seattle police officer Edward Malus (played by Nicolas Cage) recovering from an horrendous when he is informed by his ex-wife Willow Woodard (played by Kate Beahan) that her daughter Rowan has gone missing. This lead Edward on the investigation to a mysterious island for the missing girl, but discovers the island inhabited by individuals of a mysterious paganistic cult lead by Sister Summersisle (played by Ellen Burstyn) who apparently represents the goddess. Upon learning the nefarious dangers of the cult, Edward must discover the terrifying their terrifying secret and save the little girl from the sinister cult.After sitting through an hour of this, I honestly could have not tell if this film was supposed to be dark comedy or just a poorly conceived supernatural horror flick. Though it supposedly falls in the latter category, it really makes you wonder if its possible the movie suffers from a identity crisis. Why is this? The poster showing a terrifying, Exorcist-like image of the little girl leads you to believe you're for a spine-chilling thriller, but Neil LaBute's misguided direction proves otherwise. As the film deals with the lead character investigating an island influenced by paganism, and practice human sacrifices for reasons vaguably explained. The idea would be interesting enough if the story actually took the time to vividly explain some of the concepts other than occasional commentary on the Salem Witch Trials, or maybe if the plot made much sense before descending into a misguided mess. While the first film put religious conflict as the central theme of it's plot, this installment replaces the theme with women rebelling against men which frankly fails work here. The idea is is profoundly interesting on paper but when Neil LaBute's translates it on screen, it results in 102-minutes of unintentional comedy and lack of scares. From there on, we are forced to endure a plot that not only grows silly before the first hour, but also an over-the-top performance by Nicolas Cage who's scenes of hollering at Kate Beahan are painfully unconvincing, and scenes of his character being threatened by a crowd of pagans, that don't even amount to the slightest suspense. And it doesn't certainly doesn't help that his character is poorly drawn, engages in cheesy, and takes a hateful audacity of hitting women in multiple scenes. The Wicker Man is sorely incompetent remake of the 1973 horror classic with nothing to offer but a sheer lack of authenticity and scares. This film is laughably bad to the point of only being worth enjoying on a guilty pleasure level. But if you are looking for a good horror film with good scares and plenty of smarts, you are probably best looking further. For a list of the worst movies of 2006, this one definitely fills in a position.

Joe Ellen Burstyn and Nicolas Cage must have really needed a payday. This is, by far, one of the worst movies I've seen in a very long time. Cage came closest to "acting", despite being given nothing to work with, but he looked like he was begging for help through the whole thing, wanting someone, anyone, to please start acting along with him. Burstyn should just be embarrassed.There are no redeeming qualities to this movie - none. The story is hokey, at best. The acting is pathetic. This doesn't even look like a decent independent movie. The music score was horrible and didn't come close to fitting the movie, ever.Ugh - shame on you, Nicolas Cage. I usually like your work, but this was garbage.