Coventry Two teenagers break into a sinister and remote funeral parlor because they're bored with playing videogames and because they dared each other to. Hey wow, teenagers still do that sort of stuff? I thought it was a typically dumb act to do for teenagers back in the 1980's, but not in this modern day and age? I can list a dozen of cheesy and inferior old films with that exact same premise, and they were kind of fun and charming, but I never suspected a relatively acclaimed TV-format like "Masters of Horror" would recycle this ancient horror given. "The V- Word" (V standing for vampire, or at least I'm presuming so) is easily the most mediocre installment of the two seasons combined. Not only the plot is extremely mundane, but also Ernest Dickerson's direction is pedestrian, the acting performances are weak and the gore-effects are not at all remarkable. There's a total lack of humor in this episode and even the always reliable Michael Ironside cannot safe the film from utter boredom. He plays a vampire with the intention of "recruiting" the two young boys as children of the night. The only difference between these vampires and good old Bela Lugosi on TV is that eating habits are a lot messier. Bela only left two discrete biting marks whereas these vampires literally tear the necks of their victims wide open. The violence is explicit and nasty, pretty much similar like the "Doom" videogames that the two protagonists are obsessed with, but it's thoroughly unexciting. In fact, the only true positive words I can write in favor of "The V-Word" are all intended for Lynda Boyd. She plays the mother of one of the teenagers and her role is relatively small, but she's one mighty fine looking MILF!

gavin6942 Two video game loving young men decide to break into a mortuary in the middle of the night, only to discover the attendant with his throat ripped out and blood everywhere. Oh, and a vampire, too! After one of the two is killed by the vampire, how will the other defeat him? Or will he? This episode comes from director Ernest Dickerson ("Bones") and writer Mick Garris ("Chocolate"), two people who are not really "masters of horror" in the eyes of the mainstream. And choosing vampires as your plot is really nothing new or creative (and they don't take it in any new directions).Now, the movie has the point of view of a vampire, or someone turning into a vampire, who does not wish to become fully undead. I'm pretty sure this has been covered in the past in other films, but an interesting story just the same. Vampires are typically seen as evil or (at best) misunderstood, but rarely do we see vampires who didn't want to be vampires. How far will they go to rid themselves of the vampiric cravings? Others have said they enjoyed the police 911 calls, and sure, they're alright. I didn't think they were amazing, and quite frankly it was unclear to me if they really happened or if he was imagining making the calls. The movie in general really wasn't that funny. It had some okay references ("Doom 3" and naming the vampire Chaney after Lon Chaney) but it was still weak.The vampire was played by Michael Ironside, who is like the poor man's Jack Nicholson. He did a fine job. Nothing much more I can say... well, except I also liked the black contact lenses. Nice touch.This episode was alright, but again nothing special. Season two is just not what season one was. Up through episode five, I saw one episode I liked (John Landis' "Family"), so that's not a good sign when I have only 8 more to go. Maybe you're be more generous and forgiving, but if this is a trend, season three will be a nightmare.

Vic_max This 1 hour episode starts out OK, but falls off in the second half.Initially, there's a kind of creepy buildup during which a couple of teens go to a funeral home for amusement. The first 30 minutes are actually pretty good and are all about ambiance. It is pretty difficult to maintain a suspenseful and creepy tone, so the director really succeeded here.However, the downfall of the movie comes when the first laughably ridiculous decision is made: when a terrible thing occurs in front of one of the main characters, he just turns around and stands there thinking about what to do. By the way, he happens to be holding a phone. Do you know anyone who would do that? It's all downhill from there - the story never recovers and becomes very bland after such a good buildup.This one is worth skipping.

preppy-3 Two teenagers (Brandon Nadon and Arjay Smith) go to a funeral home one night to visit a cousin. They find the place completely deserted and dark...but then things start rearranging themselves, they discover blood on the floor...and one of the bodies starts moving...That's all good--but that's only the first half hour. It then turns into a strange and bloody vampirish story. Supposedly they need blood to live...but have no fangs. Also their wounds never heal. And sunlight can kill them. And they can see themselves in mirrors. This movie plays fast and loose with the vampire legend. After a while I wasn't sure WHAT they could do! It's also never explained how they became this way. It's saved by good direction and likable performances by Smith and especially Nardon--but it gets confused and dreary. Not terrible but I was wondering WHAT the point was.