MARIO GAUCI The third of Dean Martin's Matt Helm adventures is generally considered to be the worst of the quartet but, while undeniably the silliest (especially in the film's relentless concession to go-go dancing), it's still never less than enjoyable; I'd say these goofy spy sagas were basically the rough template for the jokey version of James Bond as depicted throughout Roger Moore's tenure in that series! While here we don't get the hero thinking in song per his usual custom (though Hugo Montenegro's lounge score is as infectious as ever), all of the character's other traits are allowed full sway: the constant intake of alcohol, the lethal attraction to women, the dubious gadgets (guns shooting heat rays or causing people to levitate, an inflatable tent complete with comfort accessories, cigars emitting laughing gas, while even the women spies are given the benefit of narcoleptic lipstick and bullet-shooting bra – the latter device has actually reminded me that I've yet to check out the Vincent Price sci-fi comedy DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE [1965]) that I've recently acquired.The two leading ladies themselves are well chosen: Senta Berger (somewhat ill-used, though, as the obligatory duplicitous female – especially since she's eventually disposed off rather too quickly, and not even by Helm!) and Janice Rule (quite delightful as Martin's companion but who also gets to play an important role in the mission); besides, as ever, there's a plethora of other beauties on hand – including Helm's ubiquitous secretary Lovey Kravezit (Beverly Adams yet again). The villains, too, are notable: Albert Salmi and Kurt Kasznar; as for the action scenes, perhaps the most elaborate is the one inside Kasznar's brewery…and, of course, a jab at Martin's fellow Rat Packer Frank Sinatra never goes amiss! For the record, the best line in the film has Berger toasting via the traditional Scandinavian epithet of "Skol", with Martin's instant retort being "Sure it's cold – it's got ice in it!" The plot, for what it is, involves the theft of a flying saucer (though we're never told just what Salmi intends to do with it and, in fact, is later visited by interested parties bidding for possession of it) which, it transpires, can only be flown by a woman – as the atmosphere inside is fatal to the male of the species (huh?). The comic-strip nature of the film extends to the climax – in which Helm chases the runaway saucer (speeding across a railway track with Rule still inside it) on a motorbike (he even goes underwater on top of it and comes up with an alligator seated in the sidecar!) – which, however, is rather marred by the rampant back-projection involved.

laika-lives The hoariest old relic of the sixties spy-spoof boom, 'The Ambushers' is an extremely poor film dragged lower by what may be the single laziest performance ever given by a major Hollywood star. Everything has been laid out for Dean Martin in this film - it is written specifically for him, constructed for his screen persona to allow him to capitalise on his strengths. All he has to do is deliver the one liners, punch the bad guys, and kiss the girls. Unbelievably, he can't seem to work up much enthusiasm for any of these tasks. His delivery of the gags is appalling - he's so laid back he sucks them dry, draining them of what wit they have, and throws them away. It may not be comedy gold, but a good comic makes even bad jokes tolerable. Martin isn't even trying, but worse, he seems to be winking at the camera, inviting the audience to collude in his sloppiness. His very presence seems to be meant to be enough. It may be the ugliest display of star ego before Sean Connery got his hands on 'The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen'.His female co-stars are much better. Janice Rule really seems to be trying to find something in her character, but the script doesn't really know what she's playing, so it's hardly surprising that she doesn't either. She goes from crazy woman to able spy to helpless damsel over the course of the film, and she isn't helped by ugly hair and costumes. The real star performance in this film is Senta Berger. She's truly funny and sexy in exactly the way the script needs for the film to work. Unfortunately, she's maybe too good - everything else seems dead without her (in Martin's case, you may occasionally suspect that he's actually expired on screen). The film-makers prove themselves incompetent when her bad-girl character is killed off towards the end. It isn't just the mistake of dispatching their most talented performer, but the casual way she is strangled and thrown off a platform by a none-too-interesting minor villain. It isn't even clear that she is dead, until she simply fails to reappear. This is terribly off-hand treatment of the character - and actress - who come closest to making the film work. Killing off such a fun character in such a light-hearted comedy feels like a total mistake anyway, as though Jessica Rabbit had been bumped off during the final reel of 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?'(and as she's just helped the heroine escape from a lecherous villain, it doesn't even make Hollywood-moral sense).On the whole, this is a profoundly bad film - I've no idea if the other Matt Helm films are any better. The casual sexism, however, is a worthwhile reminder that by Sixties standards, the Bond films actually border on the progressive. Those much parodied big-band Bond themes sound a lot better, too, when compared to the irritating sub-surf-pop theme that opens the film. Couldn't Dean Martin have recorded something himself, or would that have been too much effort?

Poseidon-3 Third in a series of Matt Helm films starring Martin, this is often noted as being the worst or next to worst. Martin plays a swinging, hot-to-trot parody of James Bond in a film that takes every double entendre and gadget from that series and cranks them up to the nth degree. This time out, Martin must recover a stolen flying saucer with the aid of the female pilot who was stolen with it, then released. Rule (a pretty uncharacteristic choice for a film like this) plays the astronaut/pilot. Martin first attends a camp where he's refreshed in the ways of the spy (and where a battalion of voluptuous babes called The Slaygirls are being trained.) Then he's off to Mexico to track down the ship which is believed to have been nabbed by (the decidedly UN-Hispanic) Salmi. Various complications ensue including run-ins with bumbling second banana Kasznar and drop-dead eye candy Berger. It's pretty clear that the film isn't aiming for greatness, or even seriousness, when the two primary weapons are a bra that shoots bullets and a device that makes men's pants fall down! The latter device is pitifully ridiculous in that it melts belt buckles and somehow that leads to men's buttons, hooks and zippers also failing so that an army of henchman are forced to reach for their dangling trousers rather than catch their man.There's a groovy title song played over credits that display a huge array of bikini-clad, heavily made up beauties that wind up having little or nothing to do with the plot. All of the kicky, funky music is by Hugo Montenegro and it's one of the film's better attributes. The film is only really bad if one is expecting serious spy drama or high brow jokes. The villain's chief gadget is a dopey looking satellite dish that shoots sparks out of it (along with a hand-held version.) It serves its greatest purpose pouring drinks for everyone. The one-liners in this film are of the lowest caliber possible and the ultra-macho point of view will likely be off-putting to some viewers. However, for those eager to see the type of kooky, colorful romps that inspired Mike Myers to create "Austin Powers", this is required viewing. (Check out how Dino's car trunk pops out an inflatable tent complete with bed, nightstand, lamp and metal chairs!) Martin isn't exactly flexing his acting muscles here, but he was playing into his image at the time of a boozy womanizer. Rule is a better actress than this fluff deserves and she doesn't really fit the boobs and hair-type of role, but she does well anyway. Berger is unbelievably luscious. Wearing what have to be the cinema's largest-ever earrings and sporting an impossibly golden tan, hair piled high and an aquamarine lounging gown, she is one of the most underrated beauties on record. She deserved a bigger career in Hollywood than she wound up with. There's a poolside fashion show of ultra-60's Oleg Cassini creations and most of the women wear false eyelashes so heavy they can almost open their eyes. It was a time that can never be repeated, so one should relish films like this as the time capsules they are and rent Oliver Stone movies when they want to be challenged.

bob the moo During a test run, an experimental American flying disk is captured by an unknown force. It's pilot, an ICE agent is also captured and only found months later wandering in the jungle frightened and disorientated. She is teamed with the only agent who can make her normal – Matt Helm. The two go to the area she was found to investigate the whereabouts of the lost saucer.I think I have seen all the Matt Helm films (which I hope will serve as my punishment rather than Hell!) and I don't know why I keep going back. I have seen them out of order and this is one of the last I saw (despite being the second or third of the series). Safe to say, any merit that the first film had is gone even by this early stage. The `plot' is silly and ignored for the most part – instead we just have as many beautiful girls for Helm to kiss and goons for him to fight as possible. I know it is a spoof but it isn't funny and is woeful rather than mocking.The girls are all beautiful and if you're just looking for playful titillation then this may suffice. They all wear low cut tops and short skirts, showing bellies etc when possible – and if there is any opportunity for a costume to get ripped then it gets ripped! However it does begin to tire a little when Martin turns up. He is lazy in the lead – just content to touch the girls as much as he can. He does do a few good jokes (like having a few Sinatra records around the place) but really this is one big ego trip for him. The villains are unmemorable and without teeth and the only members of the cast you're left remembering is Janice Rule (the original Ja Rule!) and the really sexy Senta Berger– both of whom are sadly only used for their looks.Overall the girls are the only reason to watch this – and even that is not really worth putting yourself through this for. The comedy is dire, the plot weak and Dean Martin hardly even tries to do a good job. Another weak entry in a very weak series.