Erik Nelson Imagine if Jim Jarmush and Federico Fellini decided to re-interpret David Lynch's 'Inland Empire' and you might have a description of Takeshis.This is not to say that one film borrows from another (even though they were made around the same time) but there are some resemblances. For example, here a 'mix table' driven dance party takes the place of Empire's black rabbit comedy show, and seems to form some kind of a center connecting all of the time lines / dream sequences together.It's not for everyone, and like Empire it does take a lot out of you, but it's wholly original and definitely one of his best.

Will A few words about Kitano San to begin with for the uninitiated. Many of you will remember that crazy old 80's TV show called Takeshi's Castle, where contestants participated in a myriad of next-to-impossible obstacle courses with predictably hilarious, injurious, I've-got-a-bad- feeling-about-this, results. Well this is that very same Takeshi. The very same Takeshi who then went on to make a name for himself in the 90's with hauntingly beautiful (and often very violent) Yakuza films, before finding relative international success in the 2000's with the fascinating Zatoichi, a movie about a blind samurai, a pair of revenge- seeking geishas, and tap-dancing. Obviously. And in between? Well, that very same Takeshi made a lot of weird ones too. And when I say weird, I mean crazy, messed up, only-in-Japan weird. If you haven't realised by now I'm a big fan of "Beat" Kitano, a nickname he often likes to call himself. I love his charisma, his takes-no-lip attitude. His facial twitches and odd mannerisms. His involvement in the incredibly psychotic cult classic Battle Royale. I even put up with a lot of the ridiculousness that happens in his films, acknowledging it instead as a unique artistic vision with the defiance of an over-fervent stalker fan. But this time, with Takeshis', you've gone too far, Takeshi. You have gone too far.Only someone like Takeshi Kitano can make this reviewer, in an attempt to explain the plot of this film with the utmost of his ability, sound like a complete and utter fool. Allow me to demonstrate: Takeshis' is a movie about the real life Takeshi, as a director, making a movie, and there are auditions for this movie. Fair enough, so far so good; if Kitano is making a mockumentary-type satire about himself, fine. I won't even mention how this movie (the movie being watched, not the movie within the movie being watched) actually started with a scene in a WWII setting. Not relevant, not one bit. But it sure doesn't help when one of the people auditioning for Takeshi's movie is also played by Takeshi, and that this Takeshi, a character working in a convenience store, is practicing for the role of, seemingly, the real Takeshi in the movie within the movie. Umm. And then it turns out that every new scene is totally unrelated from the last, but still contains the same imagery and characters we've seen moments earlier in a different context. And some of these scenes are dreams. And that this dreaming Takeshi is now an altogether separate character who drives a pink taxi around, and who is not auditioning for a part but still meeting all the same people these other two Takeshis have already met. And in the end, the convenience store Takeshi kills the real life director Takeshi. And that last bit really isn't a spoiler because (a) I have no idea as to what the significance of that scene even was, and (b) spoilers tend to ruin plot points and this movie, really, has no point. See what I mean? I was really trying there, too.Kitano has said that he wanted audiences to come out of this film not knowing what to say or what to think, so in that respect he has definitely succeeded, albeit in some deranged and sick Yoko Ono unit of measurement (Y/Onos per minute?). Takeshis' makes Being John Malkovich look like a predictable American sports film where the underdog team with the player who was always teased or came from a broken home scores the winning touchdown or basket or goal in the last second. Actually, I'd go as far as saying that Takeshis' makes even the most surrealist nonsense you could conjure up in your mind seem as certain as the knowledge that a hammer against a window equals smashed glass. And it is for this very fact; the fact that I understood precisely none of it and am certain that I will never see anything like it ever again in my lifetime, that I give it 4 stars out of 5. And as for you, Takeshi, I still reckon you're awesome, but I think it's also time we had a break as I go off to watch something I can comfortably understand. Predator it is, then.

Meganeguard As almost every fan of Kitano Takeshi knows when the noted actor/director/writer stars in a film he uses his stage name Beat Takeshi from his days of manzai performance with his partner Beat Kiyoshi, hence The Two Beats, and when he directs he goes by his full name Kitano Takeshi. In his book Beat Takeshi vs. Takeshi Kitano Casio Abe states that Beat Takeshi and Kitano Takeshi are two distinct personalities of the same being. Beat Takeshi is the persona Kitano uses for vacuous television entertainment for a mass audience while Kitano Takeshi is a creator obsessed with death, especially his own, as can be seen in his films in which his character commits suicide. While Dolls is often considered his most ostentatious and self-indulgent films, Takeshis' might soon take its take in the minds of critics because obviously, as the title suggests, the film entirely focuses on the miasma created by the bifurcated personality of Kitano.The film opens with Beat Takeshi losing a mahjong match to a yakuza boss who asks Beat Takeshi to put his son in one of his films. As he exits the building, a woman, Kishimoto Kayako who played Beat Takeshi's wife in Kikujiro and Hanabi, who works for the yakuza tosses a glass of water on him demanding that he pay back the money he owes her. Bemused by this situation, Beat Takeshi and his girlfriend, Kyono Kotomi, and manager, Osugi Ren, make their way to a television studio where Beat is working on another yakuza film set in Okinawa. (Sonatine anyone?) He bemoans the life of being an actor: the same thing day after day and receiving flowers at the end of a shoot. However, this day he meets a man in clown makeup who bears a striking resemblance to himself. A struggling actor named Kitano with beach bottle blond hair. Of course Kitano is a big fan of Beat's work and asks Beat for an autograph. It is at this point that the film starts to become a bit odd.As Kitano, not Beat Takeshi, makes his way home, a girl, who adores Beat Takeshi, gives him a gift thinking that he is Beat. Kitano then encounters Beat's girlfriend who is instead now his loose neighbor instead of a sharply dressed woman and a yakuza, Terajima Susumu, who had played his fellow clown in the studio. The bizarreness continues with the yakuza boss and his son being the patrons of a noodle shop and Osugi Ren being a cab driver. I'm not even touching on some scenes which include "The Hard Laborer's Song" performed by the female Miwa Akihiro who appeared in the Mishima Yukio Fukasaku Kinji film Black Lizard in 1965.It seems that with this film Kitano is trying to split his personality once again. While already the distinct personalities of Beat Takeshi and Kitano Takeshi, it seems that he is trying to split off from his stereotype as a director of yakuza films. Sonatine and Hanabi are both victims of Kitano's sardonic wit and while there are some scenes more outlandish than those that appear in Getting Any?, they have more of a frightening effect than a humorous one. While I found this film to be entertaining overall, the bizarreness of it was almost too much at some points. However, one could also take this as a sign that this films requires repeated viewings. Definitely one for Kitano fans, but for those who have yet to view a Kitano film, this is probably the worst place to start.

Splattii Before I get into anything, I'll admit the film was pretty funny. I laughed more than a few times, and I wasn't alone. There were definitely some funny moments.Now to my impressions, and I'll include some high level feedback I got from others as well. I'm a mid-tier Kitano fan. I've seen a handful of his directorial films, and many of the films he's acted in. I went with two other people (bear with me, this has a purpose), one of which has seen all of his films, another who hasn't seen a single film by Kitano. Why do I mention this? Because I think it might be one of the keys to enjoying this film As mentioned in the synopsis, the film is about his life. It starts with Beat Kitano the superstar, and follows him around "off set" to give the viewer an idea of what he's face in his daily life. At some point he comes across a "Mr. Kitano" (also played by Beat) in which the story starts to explore the fantasy world of this "Mr. Kitano" who idolizes Beat. While fantasizing, he touches on aspects of his others films, and this is where the experience will differ depending on your prior "Kitano" experience. There were a few scenes I laughed at, where as my friend who had not seen a single Kitano film look puzzled. On the other hand, there were some scenes in which I didn't really react, yet my friend who is a "Kitano Fan" smiled from ear to ear. I guess what I'm trying to say is while I think anyone can enjoy this film, it really seems to truly experience what Kitano was trying to do you have to know a little about his other films. If you don't have prior knowledge, I'd be willing to bet by the end you'll question if 25-30 minutes of the film couldn't have been removed with little impact on the end result.One of the question I thought about while watching the film was why the movie moved so far way from Beat? I actually found the Beat segments to be more enjoyable than the later part of the film, but unfortunately Beat doesn't remain in the film for long before he runs into "Mr Kitano". I also wonder if he didn't spend too much time exploring this fantasy world, and the end resulted in too much for the viewer. It was fun at first, but I'll admit as much as I love art film, this started to get a bit redundant after a while.I'd also like to mention that the film (at least in my eyes) is by far his most "artsy" film to date. It almost seemed Ki-Duk like at times, as the last 40 minutes or so of the film had very, very little dialog. Somewhat like HWAL.Anyhow, I'd probably give the film something between a 7 and 8. I'm pretty sure it's going to get some outstanding reviews, as critics who've had more experience with Kitano should get more out of the film. When the DVD drops I might give it another spin.