Scarecrow-88 Just the idea of a cranky, insulting Reggie Bannister as the sheriff of an Illinois town is incentive enough to watch this absolute waste of your life. That and a rather frail Quigley as his deputy. The director just doesn't know how to shoot a scene. Close-ups at the wrong time. The use of black & white photography for no apparent reason other than to do so. Slow motion when not needed. Zoom lens that is awkward instead of effective. The overbearing score that wears out its welcome right out of the gate. The film goes back and forth from "the day after" and what transpired "during the night", becoming rather jarring when you try to follow the damn thing, with patience put to the test. There are Grindhouse lines that are sometimes used just for the hell of it. The director even casts the film in a pink hue at one point. Dialogue in the film goes on and on about testicles in disarray, what guys' girlfriends might be doing at their sleepover, sex (of course), and wisecracks towards each other (mainly poking fun at insufficient lovemaking) covering a number of subjects (from who's pectorals are more impressive to lake house girl's insufferable father). Both the guys and the girls discuss pulling pranks on each other. There's a creepy neighbor of Heather (Sarah Minnich; she's the one with the house by the lake the girls are having a sleepover at) who pops up occasionally to give the girls the heebie jeebies because of his strange vibes. When the first murders happen (to the boys), it is just right out of left field (the throat slashings aren't too bad actually, with lots of squirting blood (although one of the male actors who got the knife couldn't fake a death if his life depended on it), and there's a nasty face gash that is rather a nice bit of prosthetic work). As much as I dig Reggie, I could do without a bunch of damn close-ups of his mouth. That and the droning piano playing when he's communicating to a prison official about an escaped convict (freed from a psycho in a cop's uniform). There's this soft focus lensing, too, that will probably force you to squint at times. Minnich makes these expressions when she's grossed out or freaked out that did kind of amuse me (at first) but even that becomes tiresome after awhile. And I could have done without that same over-and-over shot of Minnich with her head covered with a hoody and bandages over her nose. There's even the Jigsaw voice across the phone threatening the Sheriff and telling him his deputies are "still at the station". Quigley fans will have to accept the fact that she's in the film for a few minutes and has conversations with Reggie that get on his nerves, not long after getting her head slammed multiple times on a cop car hood. Daddy re-emerges after supposedly going on a trip to a tool convention, totally a lunatic for absolutely no reason except that it must have seemed like the ideal twist when the script was written. There's this whole back story on a pizza delivery man wrongfully accused, but if he doesn't step in any evidence or damage the crime scene it is kind of hard to swallow he'd be sent to prison. The whole murder scene, to begin with, is shabbily staged with one teenage kid just slicing his girl buddy's throat, leaving the scene with his friend, the pizza man arriving at the worst possible time. There's the girls showing their tits, most of them hot enough to divert your attention momentarily, but even here the garbage photography, shooting style, and fast edits undermine even the chance to enjoy the eye candy. To cap it all off, lots and lots of explanation when it isn't needed. Hell, even the closing excerpts that are supposed to be funny mistakes flop like a fish. What crud. I so wish Bannister and Quigley could get roles in better films, but this kind of crap is what they're often relegated to.

innocuous Definitely the best line in the movie.I'm a bit unsure about exactly why this movie was made. I gave it an extra star simply for putting some $$$ in the pockets of Linnea Quigley and Reggie Bannister, even though they may be too embarrassed to put it on their resumes. Still, we all have to eat. Even Reggie must have a mortgage payment.Where was I? Oh, yeah. This is pretty bad. Most of it looks like a home movie and there's no sense of atmosphere like you would see in the original "Massacre" series. (Take your pick..."Sorority House" or "Slumber Party" or some other.) You're never scared and you don't really care what happens to this bunch of d-bags.I have to give special attention to the sound. The music score is pretty bad and often wildly inappropriate. As an added insult, the post-production sound is extremely obtrusive. (Check out the dialogue around 15 minutes into the film. The sound is great...just like in a studio. Unfortunately, the actors are playing volleyball at a lake.) I would avoid this. Watch the originals. It's not even for completists.

homerjer I'll try to be brief, and not give SPRING BREAK MASSACRE any more attention than it deserves. SPRING BREAK MASSACRE could be described as an homage to SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE, in the sense that the distributors went to the trouble to imitate that film's video box art. Apparently they felt that was as much effort as homage required. This makes sense, once you realize that the filmmakers thought that the actual making of a horror film required no more effort than finding a roomful of inexperienced actresses willing to do nude scenes, then filming them running around screaming.The tacked-on presence of 80s horror stars Reggie Bannister and Linnea Quigley in the film is obviously meant to be the big bone thrown to horror fans. Instead, seeing them in such an amateur production just inspires sadness.Cynical productions such as this only exist to snatch up the money of unwary horror fans who think "Well, how bad can it be?" Trust me, the answer is "Way TOO bad." SPRING BREAK MASSACRE isn't even worth a couple of bucks just to check it out (trust me on this one; when I was young I too was a "show me" kind of fan). It isn't "so bad it's good". It's just a piece of crap to be forgotten.If you're the kind of viewer who likes incredibly bad acting, home video cinematography, and lots of planted good IMDb reviews, then SPRING BREAK MASSACRE just may be the movie for you. If, on the other hand, you expect a film to fill a full 76 minutes (including blooper padding in the closing credits) without insulting your intelligence, then you may want to look elsewhere.

FrightMeter The cover art for "Spring Break Massacre" tells you everything you need to know about the film; yes, it's a homage to "The Slumber Party Massacre." Anyone expecting anything but a slasher film featuring a killer murdering topless co-eds will be sadly, sadly disappointed. At least you can say the DVD cover was deceiving.Plot wise, the film is very similar to the original "The Slumber Party Massacre." A group of female friends decide to have a sleepover where "no boys are allowed" by order of our heroine's father. Needles to say, an escaped psychopath known as the slumber party killer has just escaped prison and happens upon the little gathering. Meanwhile, the local sheriff (Robby Bannister) and his deputy (Linnea Quigley) are alerted to the psychopath's escape and must try to keep the town safe.Fans of 80's slasher films will undoubtedly enjoy this film because it does possess a nostalgic feel with its simple, straight-forward premise and tongue-in-cheek reference. Though the pacing lags in the second act, enough happens to keep us interested. The kills come fast in the last act and seem a tad rushed. Additionally, they aren't all that gory or bloody, and for a homage to an 80's slasher classic, I'd expect the kills to be better thought out, a tad gorier, with much more suspense leading to them. Along those same lines, there is no final "chase scene" with our heroine that is a staple of 80's slasher films. Still, the film is technically well done and, again, does enough to keep the viewer interested.Unlike "The Slumber Party Massacre," this film does attempt to be different and set itself apart. Much like his other unknown-killer-stalks-group-of-friends-having-a-sleepover film "Reunion of Terror," screenwriter Michael Hoffman, employs a mega-twist ending and motive that is clever, unexpected, and disturbing. I can see this being his trademark as a writer simply because he is so good at it.Overall, "Spring Break Massacre" is a nicely done homage that doesn't really offer anything new to the genre, but succeeds in taking us genre fans back to the simpler days of horror.Fright Meter Grade: C+