GL84 Going camping in the woods, a group of friends stumble upon a deranged killer who has taken to the area as his own personal hunting ground and when he spies one of them as a potential mate, they're forced to fight him off before he slaughters them all.This was an absolutely fun and enjoyable old-school style slasher. What this one really gets right is the action throughout here of the group coming under attack by the killers, which has a ton to like about it. The amazing part here is he fun to be had with the film utilizing their knowledge of the forest for plenty of exciting times having fun with that, as there's the early scenes out in the forest of them encountering the hitchhikers in their truck, the runners in the park and generating the full-on fun of the extended brawl against the paintball team as they fight him off with their weapons while he uses his powerful ones to wipe them out in a gloriously fun, cheesy sequence. Even the rather big sequences later on here come off rather fun of not only the two at their camp-site but also out in the woods as the encounters have a sense of fun due to the wise-cracking, joking ways but also features a demented streak a mile wide in its kills here that's a lot more enjoyable for the spectacle on display. The biggest of these tactics is the rolling log of pick-axes that comes crashing down the mountainside, which happens a couple times here delivering the fun each time, while other fun times come from the other graphic kills and bloodshed in here. This, though, really hits its stride at the end where the killers have them trapped in the abandoned campsite with the deserted look and mangled bodies creating a fine set-up for the speed-driven truck ride back to their camp for the utterly deranged family gathering that goes from the skeleton parents to tormenting her with the food and a later scene where she tries to turn the tables on them makes all of this quite fun and enjoyable here as it not only plays with a demented flair but also gets in some great violence and keeps the action rolling along here. These all give this one such a great sense of fun that it's able to overcome the film's few minor flaws. The goofy tone here might be among its biggest factors against it, as this conflicts wildly with the brutal and demented feel elsewhere here which comes from several sources, most notably the joke about being retarded not being funny. This is continually a case here where they make jokes about his condition or his antics and trying to come off as funny, and he himself doesn't add much with his antics, yelling and utterly annoying catchphrase that's plain annoying. Likewise, the other big flaw here is the rather outrageous concept for the forest traps, as while they're quite fun in execution there's something to be said for how ridiculous they actually are and it suspends disbelief somewhat. Overall, this was one of the better efforts to come along in the style in a long time.Rated R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language, Nudity and drug use.

Claudio Carvalho The pothead Zack (Greg Cipes); the sweethearts Kate (Margo Harshman) and Riff (Artie Baxter); the slut Vicky (Carrie Finklea); and the spoiled Ashley (Kelly Vitz) travel by van to the backwoods to camp. They meet two strange graveyard diggers that advise them to leave the place otherwise they could be murdered. Then they meet the deranged retarded Simon (Crispin Glover) in the gas station and Riff has a friction with the guy. They find a paradisiac spot to camp at the riverside, but Simon and Stanley transform their holiday in a nightmarish night."Simon Says" is another absurd and stupid slasher that follows the style of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "Wrong Turn" and other films of this sub-genre of horror. Crispin Glover performs an annoying character that keeps saying "and you forgot to say…Simon says" (even in the end of the credits). But the most irritating in this story is the ability and invulnerability of his undestroyable character. My vote is three.Title (Brazil): "Siga o Mestre" ("Follow the Master")

Rathko A thoroughly bizarre horror movie in which a deranged Crispin Glover (is there any other kind) boobytraps a stretch of woodland with 1001 flying pickaxes and waits for a bunch of irritating teens to stumble onto the scene. I've never really understood the logic of populating a movie with completely unlikeable characters. It makes for pretty tedious viewing when the only reason for watching is not the hope that the characters survive, but that they will die sooner, rather than later. And the teens here, played by the usual bunch of pretty twenty-somethings, are some of the most irritating in horror history. Luckily, 'Simon Says' benefits from the presence of Crispin Glover, who is hilarious camping it up with a bizarre high-pitched accent that seems like a cross between English aristocracy and Louisiana Creole. He's clearly acting in a completely different movie that exists only in his own head and thank God for it. The kills are pretty creative and grizzly with a lot of messy dismemberment, but veteran writer/director Bill Dear has little interest in originality or developing any suspense or real fear. For fans of Glover's unique style, this is an often very funny must-see movie. For everybody else it's a pretty average teen slasher.

MetalGeek The wife and I decided to rent "Simon Says" based on its particularly nasty looking trailer and the fact that we saw Crispin Glover's name above the title, prompting me to joke "Cool, George McFly as a slasher!" We knew nothing about the film prior to stumbling across it on our cable's On Demand, and thus settled in for what looked like some goofy slasher doin's.I must admit, the first twenty minutes or so of "Simon Says" were pure torture. Lord knows I've seen my share of slasher films over the years, and obviously so have the makers of this film because the first quarter of the movie sticks so closely to the "rules" of slasherdom that it almost becomes a parody. When five teens (each representing a time honored Slasher Cannon Fodder Sterotype, of course -- i.e. The Brainy Chick, the Slutty Chick, the Jock Guy, the Stoner Guy, and the Yuppie Chick) pull off the beaten path to do some camping in a near-deserted small town, it takes them no time at all to get on the bad side of local hillbilly store proprietor "Stanley" and his retarded brother "Simon" (both played by Glover), so I was already thinking "Oh man, this movie is gonna suck." The characters were cardboard cut-outs, the dialogue was howlingly bad, and the foreshadowing (of what is supposed to be a big 'shock twist' at the end, which I will not reveal here but I'm sure everyone will see coming from a mile away) was so telegraphed that I almost considered switching the movie off. I'm glad I stuck with it though, because once the 'action' finally starts in "Simon Says," gorehounds will be in for one helluva nasty, gooey, blood-covered treat. Seems Stanley/Simon is quite handy with pickaxes and has booby-trapped the woods with some very original contraptions that hurl blades, gears, and other implements of death at our teenage heroes (as well as a few other bystanders who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time) with lethal, often hilariously gory accuracy. It wasn't long before I was cackling as our teenaged idiot heroes were running aimlessly through the woods, being chewed to bloody stumps while Crispin Glover chewed on the scenery for all it's worth. The guy's always BEEN weird, and this movie gives him the opportunity to just go completely off the wall. He looks like he had a hell of a lot of fun in this dual role.By the tail end of "Simon Says" we even get a "dinner with the family scene" (when Stanley takes the lone surviving girl to meet "Maw and Paw" who are of course rotting corpses sitting around a table), providing another nod to many '70s and '80s exploitation/splatter movies and adding yet another level of sick weirdness to what was already a pretty sick movie. By the time this one ended my wife and I could only look at each other and laugh, and we've been making "You forgot to say Simon Says!" jokes for a couple of days now."Simon Says" is not a GREAT movie by any means but it's certainly worth a look if you haven't been getting your recommended daily allowance of carnage at the video store. It starts out pretty average but suddenly and without warning becomes its own weird and unpredictably hilarious beast.