Step Up Guy
SHAKE RATTLE ROLL XV is an incredibly crappy and misconceived three-part scarefest that has everything money can buy, but too many scenes are contrived to the point of blankness, the actors seem to be doing a school play and 3 separate scripts can't stand much scrutiny (or shaking, rolling and rattling). The first episode, AHAS, directed by Dondon Santos, is a farce (delving on the actual myth about a woman with a twin snake, both of them scions of a famous supermall). Alice Dixson accepts the thanklessly brief mother role who gives birth to the twins; in real life, rumors abounded at one time that Ms Dixson was a near-victim of the snake-man of the said mall. Ariel Rivera plays Ms Dixson's wife, JC De Veyra plays the love interest who is actually seeking vengeance for the unexplained disappearance of then-girlfriend Solenn Heussaff, Lou Veloso plays a terrified janitor, Mosang a saleslady who cunningly lures people into the secret basement where the snake-human lives, and Melai Cantiveros and Jason Francisco, seemingly a package deal, play a hapless shoplifter-turned victim and a bewildered security guard, respectively. In the titular role is Erich Gonzales, one of the shrillest actresses in Philippine cinema. Copying shamelessly the snake-woman CG (Medusa) from the Hollywood blockbuster WRATH OF THE TITANS (2010), this episode has Gonzales playing pouty twins, one a human back from abroad who doesn't know her twin sister is alive, the other, a bloodthirsty creature who devours people and likes asking men if she's beautiful (before angrily devouring them). John Lapus adds zest to the proceedings, supervising the fashion shows. The second episode, ULAM, from Jerrold Tarog, plays like a filmed play with a bizarre theme. Dennis Trillo and Carla Abellana play a couple who begin alienating each other and their kid as they transfer to the ancestral house of Dennis' grandparents (resented by Carla). Chanda Romero plays housekeeper Aling Lina while the child, Julie, is played by Kryshee Frencheska Grengria. I don't think I'm spoiling much when I say the dishes that are being prepared for the couple are poisoned and slowly turn them into ravenous monsters. Critic Oggs Cruz seems to like this episode the most, encouraging viewers to watch the movie if only for this episode. Some may find it stagy, bizarre and pretentious, but beneath the murky plot lies a gem of a performance from Ms Chanda Romero, who has reasons of her own for trying to serve the kind of dishes she is serving. Trillo often goes through the paces, while Abellana pouts and sulks -- leaving, believe it or not, the most earnest acting to be done by child actress Grengria, as she witnesses with her innocent mind the unraveling of a marriage (her parents'). Ms Perla Bautista is wasted in the role of the severe grandmother, a token role in such horror movies as this. Again, John Lapus amusingly pops up again as Iggy Moda, Carla's friend. Tarrog directed the 2011 ASWANG with Lovi Poe, which I really like, a different take on the aswang mythos. With ULAM, he does succeed against two crummy episodes, especially with Ms Romero. The third episode from Perci Intalan, FLIGHT 666, is the campiest of all; Intalan's formula seems to be, assemble an eclectic cast of characters, put them on a plane, add a hijacker, but also add a woman who gives birth to a baby ghoul who wants to devour everyone. Alas, even the best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray, and Intalan commits his first error by his choice of actors. To wit: Lovi Poe and Nathalie Hart (who?) as flight attendants, Matteo Guidicelli as a doctor who had a past with Lovi, Daniel Matsunaga as a pilot, Khalil Ramos as a self- absorbed cutie who spurns the pathetic advances of Kiray Celis, Yael Yuzon as a rock star full of himself, IC Mendoza as Kiray's pouty gay friend, Sue Prado as a sleepy passenger, Betong Sumaya and Bentong as father-and-son passengers with a funny twang. Amusingly added to the fray is Joy Viado as a modern-day Doña Victorina who locks herself up in the lavatory, but lusty sugar mama Arlene Muhlach is already in there with her hunky boyfriend (John Spainhour). Amusing to some, annoying to others is Kim Atienza, basically playing himself, a walking encyclopedia of trivia and facts. Intalan may have been served well by the supporting cast, but Lovi Poe (playing timid and meek) and Matteo Guidicelli (playing timid and meek) simply don't lead a movie about a hijacked plane! Thankfully, Bernard Palanca is onboard to menace the passengers but someday Palanca will most certainly ham it up, in the grand Christopher de Leon manner. We have to thank our lucky stars he still has the Armando Goyena touch, and attacks any roles well (Goyena is his real-life grandfather). Most ridiculous of all is the baby ghoul (with a backstory of the girl getting impregnated by an "elemento"), and everything goes to hell from here on. Intalan's work is hard to fathom (Note his 2014 Nora Aunor movie, DEMENTIA, with viewers scratching their heads about the plot and Aunor's performance). The musical scoring (by Cesar Francis Concio for AHAS, by Jerrold Tarog for ULAM, and by Von de Guzman for FLIGHT 666), are one of the 3-part movie's meager assets. Macky Galvez's cinematography renders many scenes eerie in ULAM. But all actors have to pay their dues, and the actors here have to pay their dues to Mother Lily, so I have to excuse them for their hammy, crummy performances. After all, I enjoyed SCREAM and its three sequels (but SCREAM is far superior to this thin, uneven scarefest). As if to press a point (that, after this stupid movie, Intalan will still direct, or rather, all three directors will still be around), John Lapus has a surprise ending appearance, gleeful that he survived the three horror situations. Alas, faster that you can spell Daniel Matsunaga, there surely will be a 16th movie.
