ToniHunterOne It appears Leigh Scott turned the direction of this film over to Sybil and the local junior high school Drama club. Pirates of Treasure Island suffers greatly from dissociative identity disorder otherwise known as split-personality; with each personality struggling to gain control of the script. As a straight Robert Lewis Stevenson interpretation; it fails. As a rousing swashbuckler; it fails. Mortally wounded characters reappear a few minutes later; they are not glassy-eyed decaying creatures craving human flesh; so as a zombie film it fails. Exactly how did Long John getaway from the Verne-esque giant triceratops beetle with the spider eyes and trumpeting bellow at the beginning of the film? Spider-eyes' jaws are snapping, Long John is screaming and... fade to black then 2:40 minutes of opening credits that I suppose are designed to make us forget Long John's peril so we don't say: What The F**k? when he reappears 20 minutes later without so much as a peg leg, hook-hand or eye patch for his misadventure. The most redeeming quality of PoTI is Mel Lewis' music. Actors of note who really carry their parts are Jennifer Lee Wiggins as Polly the French-Coquette-turned-pirate and James Ferris as Captain Smollette (Smo-yet) the randy French poof.Others of note are Thomas Downey as Lt. Andrew Jackson, Rhett Giles as Wilkins, Derek Osedach as Flacon, and of course Lance Henriksen who plays the infamous "Long John Silver" for what its worth.Scott had many elements in place to make this a great B spoof but, alas even Ben Gunn couldn't pull this "treasure" out of the sand. My rating 4.5 which forces me to give it 5 stars. by ToniHunterOne 07-27-11

daviesjon-1 It's hard not to like Pirates of Treasure Island.You know you're onto a winner when the same location (in this case, the treasure island of the title) is described on separate occasions as being, 'hidden in the bowels of Satan' AND 'the devil's playground'. Not only does it create a kind of glib, cartoon element to the proceedings, but really makes you wonder what ol' Beelzelbub's getting up to these days.Other verbal highlights include 'Beware the one egg' (or something), 'All the powder in the world' (NOT in reference to cocaine), and pretty much every deathbed speech of the last ten minutes, as if being shot is now some open licence to soliloquise.The plot is the standard affair from the perspective of a bored, insipid landlord apparently keen to throw of the shackles of the easy-going beverage industry (complete with large-breasted obliging barmaid) to don a bandana and shout 'argh' at the rain, in a predominantly-ship-based 'adventure' that often serves as a mere backdrop for grown men to compete in a 'most audacious headwear' competition, talk in embarrassing accents and - again - shout 'argh' at the rain. Fortunately, the large-breasted obliging barmaid tags along to produce one of several dramatic 'You're a woman?!' revelations which, by the climax, sees our young hero leading a quartet of inappropriately attired floozies in a battle against the male oppressors - sorry, I mean Pirates - in what can at best be described as an abstract, watery pimp-off.Allegiences in this film may initially seem hazy, but allow me to elucidate: if a character has tits, they side with the protagonist. If they have a wig, they get shot. If they have a muddy face, then they're evil and must be stabbed by the people with tits. Easy.I'll close with some drinking game suggestions. 1 finger when you're unconvinced by a CGI insect, 2 fingers when someone inexplicably gets shot, and 3 when the camera deliberately repositions for the best angle of our leading lady's bosoms. If no-one yet knows she's a lady, down it.

Chris Mackey (guestar57) PIRATES OF TREASURE ISLAND Starring: Lance Henricksen, Tom Nagel and Rebekah Kochan. Long John Silver has some treasure, Not his, and he has to hide it and get it at a later date. That's the plot, Now executed by Lance Henricksen and Theasylum regulars. The cast stood out with great accents and commitment. Tom Nagel had the thankless role as the hero. Rebekah Kochan looked the best I've seen her, She can fight too-Sometimes just with her blouse .Lance Henricksen seems an odd choice for LJS(What a tasty franchise),But he was great and so into Villain-mode. Okay, final score,The ship looked great, Island scenes rocked and The occasional creature was welcome.

smasica My wife rented this along with Syriana. Guess which one is better. I'm a sucker for a good pirate movie, but this ain't it. Not by any stretch. Where to begin? Oh, the opening scene and dialog. That should have been the first clue. Maybe the second after learning Lance Henrikson was the only 'name' actor. Back to the dialog. Long John Silver and Co. are following their Captain through the jungle in order to stash their ill-gotten gain. Mr. Rogers would have sounded like a more menacing pirate captain than the stooge playing him. Mercifully, he was killed early. Good-bye to Pizzle Lips, as LJS called him. Look up the word 'pizzle'. I'm sorry, but my heart just isn't in a long review. This movie is not worth a 99 cent rental. Here's a quick and dirty: Dialog: Junior College Drama 101 level. Costumes: Ill-fitting, costume shop off the rack, not remotely accurate. Wigs: Standard wear in the 18th century, these were simply atrocious. Barbie and Ken have better hair. Accents: Capt. Smollet's raspy French accent made Pepe Le Pew's sound like Maurice Chevalier. Poor Lance tried, he even said 'Arrr' once. He must have needed a house payment to take this role. Sword-play: The Ginsu Knife demonstrator must have been the fencing instructor. Locations: Surprisingly, the exteriors were not too bad. The interior sets, about a D+. I think they even used stock footage of two, possibly three differently rigged ships for the long shots. I know a jib from a spanker and a spar from a boom. They messed up. I won't even get into the big bugs.