GeneSiskel "Painted Lady" is perfectly dreadful television fare. Don't waste your time with it. Plot strands, sometimes pretty and other times gritty, fly off in every direction without the slightest resolution. Characters -- a boy in the bath, street thugs, art dealers with Italian accents, restorers, purveyors of rough trade, even a dog -- come and go. The film begins as a British police investigatory, mind you, but the cops fail to properly investigate what should be an absurdly easy murder to solve. They are out of it by the second reel. (Where is Hercule Poirot when you need him!) Helen Mirren, unconvincing as a retired rocker with a pin in the side of her nose, is also unconvincing as a Polish noblewoman in disguise. She fails to save it. And the credits roll.Mirren's character, you see, lives off the largesse of Sir Charles Stafford, the aged -- and debt-burdened -- proprietor of a great house somewhere in the British Isles. One night, while she lolls with a boy toy, Stafford is killed in what appears to be the heist of an Old Master hanging in the hall. The audience immediately knows who done it and why. For reasons known only to the scriptwriter, Mirren hides Stafford's gun from the police, reconnects with Stafford's wayward son, and sets out to recover the painting, which may or may not exist.The audience is treated to a good bit of art history and one of those plummy high-stakes art auctions, but it is all pointless. Nothing happens. Nothing makes sense. And Mirren's song lyrics are just awful. "Painted Lady" is "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" light. Watch something else.

lionel-libson-1 Reading the first comment, I wasn't sure that it was the same film I had just agonized through. From dialog to confused plot "Painted Lady" qualifies as a true Disaster film.Where to begin? I fear that dissecting this cadaver would entail too many spoilers, though spoiling this film would be a redundancy.There are enough clichés of plot and language to satisfy any B movie connoisseur. Characters come and go, money changes hands, Mirren repeatedly walks into dangerous situations, escaping primarily, through editing cuts to the next scene with no explanation. Near the end of the film, where she barely escapes with her life, we see her walk away without a huge painting that is the raison d'etre of the film. Once again the editor steps in to correct the oversight.Details of plot and dialog are changed at will, leaving one to wonder about what is really going on. Helen Mirren seems to have reverted to her days in "Caligula", not on a sexual level, but rather for being associated with a story too banal for pulp fiction.Reviewing my comment, I have been a trifle negative...only because of my self-restraint.

George Parker "Painted Lady" is a 3.5 hour, two part miniseries made for Masterpiece Theater and featuring Helen Mirren as Maggie, a down and out and aging ex-druggie/blues singer who inhabits a cottage on the Ireland estate of a well-to-do friend. When her friend is murdered, Maggie makes an unlikely transformation as she turns herself into a countess, enters the world of classical painting treasures, and sets about to bring the killer to justice. A cozy mystery with a whiff of sex and drugs but nary a harsh word spoken, this typical Masterpiece Theater TV fare is a mildly entertaining watch which keeps moving as it becomes increasingly convoluted. On the downside, Mirren is much too sagacious and elegant for a down and out blues singer and the warm and fuzzy milieu fits the intended audience better than the story. On the upside, this Mirren tour de force and tale of intrigues in the world of art is captivating, engrossing, and sufficiently substantiative to keep the viewer involved for the long haul. Recommended for more mature viewers and those who enjoy the very civilized Masterpiece Theater fare. (B)

blanche-2 Another knockout performance by Helen Mirren as a down and out '60s folk singer who, in order to help the family that took her in, goes undercover as an art dealer. Mirren, of course, does the transition from drugged-out hippie throwback to a glamorous woman of the world perfectly in this intriguing and very exciting story. Iain Glen as Sebastian is charismatic and wonderful, as is the entire cast. Probably the best part of this mini-series is Mirren, as Maggie, interacting with her sister and brother-in-law. The family dynamics hit a perfect note. This is a must-see on all levels - acting, drama and suspense with warmth and humor thrown in. Mirren is not only a great actress but one with impeccable taste when it comes to many of the scripts that have been produced and shown in the U.S. on public television. Bravo!