jpiddy
First off, I hated checking the "Contains spoiler" box, because I'm not spoiling anything. I'm merely saving your sanity. Actually viewing this movie may result in you murdering your entire family with a rusty fork.So I was walking around, minding my own business, when a small portal opened up inside of the pavement. Shocked by what I was seeing, I took a few steps back. Then, it happened. Fire shot out of the hole and it evaporated, and all that was left was a tape. Now, being curious, I picked up the tape and read the label: Night of the Chupacabra. I guessed that the tape had been sacrificed to Satan, but it was so evil and so horrible that not even the Devil could bare to watch it.So naturally, I had to.Now. I've seen "Gigli". I've seen every Uwe Boll movie. I've also just recently seen "Ghost Rider". I've also seen "Manos: Hands of Fate". "Night of the Chupacabra" makes all of these movies look like Best Picture Award Winners. Everything about this movie is bad. The script (if there was one) was most likely written in the blood of innocent and on the skin of cute puppies. I found myself ten minutes into the movie confused, hurt, and scared. I said aloud, "Is this movie almost over?" There were so many characters I didn't know who was who, and random characters were introduced without warning. There were M.I.B. characters, who may or may not have been working with the Army. There was a killer on the loose, and a bunch of reality television people who are tracking him. Pretty much a cast that adds up to disaster. I would explain the "plot", but my fellow angry reviewer has done such a good job. The movie didn't have plot holes, the whole movie was just one big plot hole with overdubbing in pretty much every seen.I wish the director would have spent more money on finding someone who knows how to score a movie on something other than a Casio keyboard.My favorite part of the movie was the ending, which made about as much sense as the rest of the movie. The M.I.B. people leave (because there are apparently only two of them in the entire world) the army or whatever they were mysteriously disappear, and the entire reality television show cast (with the murderer they were tracking, who apparently is their friend now) watch the little midget power ranger alien thing take off in his spaceship. It cuts to the credits, which apparently are already in progress.A deaf, dumb, and blind kid could have written (and directed) a better movie.
WashingtonHiker14
The worst - A mindless and complete waste of time When I first saw that this was showing, I was excited. An indie about the Chupacabra, the Mexican Goat Sucker. I sure hoped that this would be a good solid film about this North American mythological creature. Boy was I wrong. This was described as 'action packed and a thrill ride'. Perhaps the writer got drunk and mistakenly jumped onto the Indiana Jones Ride at Disneyland, bumped his noggin and in a "coma induced stupor" thought he was reviewing "Night of the Chupacabra". Imagine the words, ACTION PACKED and THRILL RIDE, and now imagine the exact opposite …. for what seems like an eternity.I saw this film (yes, you can call it a film, it was shot on 35mm(?) and the quality of the medium shows) at a festival and all I could do to keep from screaming and running for the door, ripping my eyes out and taking a long shower after seeing this train wreck, was a constant and naive belief that it could get better. So I watched and watched, and to my utter horror, it never got better. So some stoner kids who are never truly introduced so we're never clear as to who they are, go out and drink beer and see a 'meteorite' crash into the earth. Except it is an alien spacecraft carrying a midget in a rubber mask. So we are introduced to the legendary 'Chupacabra'. So we are introduced to a myriad of new characters, some men in black, some other guys, some TV show producers, Some reality TV game show contestants, some fugitive Russian serial killer who I suppose is innocent (?), some girl who one of the stoner kid's sister who happens to be some sort of investigative reporter, some other characters that pop in and out for no reason, a hapless sheriff and his hot wife, and, did I mention, numerous other really annoying characters that no one knows who the hell they are, who arrive talk inane and pointless dialogue and leave for no apparent reason.The most obvious problem here is that there is no story structure, none, nada, zip. Just half a dozen or more plot threads that pop up, spew toxic fumes and then trail off like the dying emissions of a old fart. The character banter on and on, ad nauseum, about stuff no one cares about, and it all ends up leading nowhere. It was like the writer/director didn't know what he wanted, so he threw everything in, but not one thing meant anything, so it is a languid mélange of loosely connected vignettes of people talking.You could have got a more cohesive story by taking your video camera to the mall and surreptitiously recording random conversations, and jumbling them all together in the editing room.Oh, and another thing. One of the lead actors plays TWO major characters. But his voice (and his appearance) are so distinctive that you think it's the same guy. That one lead actor had so much screen time (and he got two roles) made me think "Is he related to the director?" I kept on thinking that there was some brilliant twist to all of this, but what was I thinking. Talk about confusing the hell out of your audience! Avoid at all costs. I'm not kidding. The official running time is 89 minutes but it seems like 89 hours. I'm not going to quote the clichéd "89 minutes of my life and I want it back" line …. This is a complete and total waste of 35mm film stock. Valuable chemicals were used and natural resources were expended in the making of this movie and the EARTH wants them back! Whoever worked on this should be embarrassed. This is a major black mark on anyone who was associated with this film. Plan Nine from Outer Space is a masterpiece compared to this tripe.
