a_chinn "Stargrove, Lance Stargrove." John Stamos plays the son of super spy George Lazenby (you know, the guy who played James Bond in one movie) in this 80s teen oriented Son-of-Bond type of story. When his super spy dad is murdered, high school gymnast Stamos teams up with his dad's former partner, 80s sexpot Vanity, to stop evil hermaphrodite Velvet Von Ragner (Gene Simmons). Generally speaking, this film is a mess, but it's a glorious unintentionally hilarious mess. Try to imagine if Tim Curry's Dr. Frank-N-Furter from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" was suddenly a James Bond villain, which admittedly would be pretty funny, except this film couldn't seem to make up it's mind if it wanted to be an straight James Bond action film or a spoof. Simmons many "disguises" wouldn't fool anyone outside of Scooby Doo and it's completely baffling why Simmons' army of henchmen are dresses like refugees from a Max Max film. Why would the creators of this film have thought the world wanted another gymnast action hero after 1985's rousing flop "Gymkata"? I suppose this film was directed by Gil Bettman, the man behind "Knight Rider" and "BJ and the Bear," so he is someone who thought the world needed a crime solving car and road stories of a trucker and his pet monkey. Oh, you also get Robert Englund in a hammy role as one of Simmons' henchmen. I'm pretty sure both England and Simmons realized this movie was a mess, but I'm not sure anyone else did. Only worth watching as a so-bad-it's-good viewing experience.

Scott LeBrun Only in the 1980s could we get something this gloriously deranged and utterly idiotic. It's flashy, and it's dumb, and it's obviously proud to be so. It's essentially a "junior James Bond" as John "Uncle Jesse" Stamos plays Lance Stargrove, a college athlete whose dad Drew (one time Bond George Lazenby) is a spy. Dad isn't THAT great at his job, though, managing to get killed by the movies' villain. And what a doozy this villain is. He/she is Velvet Von Ragner (rock star Gene Simmons), a hermaphroditic megalomaniac with a legion of followers who look like refugees from a "Mad Max" knock-off. Lance determines to get some revenge, hooking up with our leading lady, Danja Deering (supremely sexy Vanity), just one of dads' "associates".This one is pretty bad, all right, but that doesn't mean it ain't entertaining. The action scenes are decent enough, the stunts and camera work especially effective. The costumes on the henchmen are absolutely hilarious. The upbeat pop soundtrack consists of some pretty rancid cheese, yet unfortunately it will stick in your head, especially the title theme song. Director Gil Bettman ("Crystal Heart", "Night Vision") works from a terminally silly script credited to Steven Paul (of "Slapstick (Of Another Kind)" infamy) and Anthony Foutz, that is wise to include some very alluring scenes with Vanity, as well as the kind of gadgetry we often come to expect in an espionage thriller.Stamos is okay as the hero, no more; he lacks a strong screen presence. Vanity definitely fares better. Supporting roles and bits are played by the likes of John Anderson ("Psycho" '60), Ed Brock (in his one and only movie role), Peter Kwong ("Big Trouble in Little China"), Robert "Freddy Krueger" Englund (wasted in a nothing part), Tara Buckman ("Silent Night, Deadly Night", "The Cannonball Run"), Patrick Wright ("Track of the Moon Beast"), and Branscombe Richmond ("Hard to Kill"). But this thing really belongs to Simmons, who clearly realized he was doing a p.o.s. movie, and gives it some flair by camping it up something fierce as the bad guy / gal.Recommended mainly to completists who'll gladly lap up the craziest things that the 80s had to offer.Five out of 10.

Michael C. Hawk (unclebusu) This movie is so bad, I simply had to rate it a ten. It's like the odometer in your car. If you drive it long enough, it will come back around to zero. Starting at ten, this film moved so far down my scale, that it came back around to the top. It is a model of perfection in the realm of the awful. I love it! If you are a fan of Mystery Science Theatre, find a copy and gather up friends to roast this rare slice of Americana. One can only pray that a special edition DVD is on the way. Can you imagine the audio track with Gene Simmons and John Stamos bantering back and forth about wardrobe difficulties or the weak coffee at craft service? The George Lazenby trivia game?! Not every movie has to be Casablanca to be a classic, so enjoy "Never Too Young To Die

teenagefsufan this was the worst movie i have ever saw gene simmonds was crummy in this god awful movie that looks like troma has done. speaking of troma there the best movie company ever..............FOR ME TO POOP ON there movies are crummy too gene simmonds sometimes doesn't do good movies that often except for detroit rock city that was good but this movie that gene made was stupid and down right damn stupid but the best part of all is when the movie was all over