Scott LeBrun "The Nail Gun Massacre" is damn entertaining, a deliberately cheesy and comical backwoods slasher flick that writer / co-director Terry Lofton was wise not to take seriously. It's got plenty of gore, sex, nudity, one-liners, filler, and silliness, enough to make it a real hoot, although it does drag at times. It does hit the ground running, in any event. As Joe Bob Briggs would say, it's just about the greatest movie to come out of Seagoville, Texas.A burly, bearded Sheriff (Ron Queen) and a town doctor (Rocky Patterson) who favours muscle shirts and jean jackets have a problem on their hands: some person, possibly male, possibly female, who wears camouflage gear and a bikers' helmet, is going around murdering people with their handy-dandy nail gun. And this person *always* has a witticism for every occasion, uttering their lines in a synthesized Darth Vader type voice and laughing maniacally in the time honoured tradition of film villains. Could this murder spree have something to do with the gang rape that goes down in the opening minutes of the movie?This is good - well, maybe not "good" - and goofy fun with some deliciously sadistic kills. One poor guy gets a nail right through his crotch; an unlucky hitchhiker gets nailed to the highway. Our killer even takes the time to target people who are having sex, just like any good horror movie madman ought to do. There is much to laugh at here, and certainly it's not all intentional. The highlight has to be when a victim is nailed and falls on top of his barbecue grill - but even in his death throes, is able to carefully prevent the grill from toppling over. There are some attractive ladies in the cast, and the performances are amusing overall, especially from the deadpan Queen as the Sheriff.The pacing isn't always great; some scenes go on too long, but in the end "The Nail Gun Massacre" emerges as a funny piece of work that aficionados of 1980s horror are advised to seek out.Seven out of 10.

BA_Harrison Power-tools and tits: a classic combination of horror movie ingredients that, as far as I'm concerned, almost always guarantees a good time (I know, I know... I'm easily pleased). However, there are always exceptions to prove the rule, and, despite plenty of bare breasts and much DIY-appliance based violence, The Nail Gun Massacre bored the hell out of me.Ineptly directed, poorly scripted and badly acted, this dreadful slasher-style effort sees a mysterious killer seeking revenge for a gang rape by using the titular tool to commit a series of murders. Looking laughable, rather than menacing, in a fetching camouflage jumpsuit and black motor-cycle helmet, our maniac somehow manages to stalk their prey unseen, before blasting them with a volley of nails. And for some inexplicable reason, the psycho also opts to talk in a strange, electronically modified Darth Vader style voice, making them seem even more absurd.The cast recite their awful dialogue displaying zero acting ability, whilst co-directors Terry Lofton and Bill Leslie display a complete lack of skill behind the camera. Throw in some unconvincing and rather weak gore (let's face it, nails don't make a lot of mess: small puncture wounds with a trickle of blood), and what you have is an amateurish production that completely fails to capitalise on its sensational title.

AngryChair After a bunch of construction workers rape a woman, the men start getting 'nailed' by some vengeful killer carrying a nail gun.Cheap and trashy all the way, Nail Gun Massacre has to be one of the worst excuses for a horror film ever. Our villain is laughably un-scary, as he makes corny, distorted jokes during every murder! The characters are completely wooden, the plot is non-existing, and the quality of this movie basically consists of one sex scene after another with the occasional unconvincing murder. Granted though, it does have one of the better murder-during-sex scenes of the slasher genre.Only for those who love movies that look like they were shot in someone's backyard, or in the director's case his grandmother's general store. Grandma cameos as a store clerk reading a lame movie script.BOMB out of ****

alexluprete I believe it was but a young Steven Hawkings who once said "As I watched perfection and tried tirelessly to describe it's gleaming magnificence, 'twas four words that came to mind, "The Texas Nailgun Massacre...or perhaps it was "Dude, look at those titties!" Which doesn't make any real sense because that's actually five words, and Steven Hawkings can't actually speak. Regardless, it is fair to say as one who hasn't actually seen this movie and is only commenting on other comments, supposedly there is fare amount of "breasts" in this movie. That being said, I am now intrigued by these so-called "breasts." "Breasts" what a concept, bet you can't say it five-times fast? Damn, you can! Anyways, "Breast," if you rearrange the letters in the word "Breasts" you get "Streabs," which sounds a bit European to me, and I don't know about you but this is America! Home of the good ole' Red, White and Blue, where cars are made out of steel and might was built on coal and iron. Where that good ole' American spirit hangs in the air, and we all rally around that one ideal that makes us better than every other country in the world "Fuck Soccer!" But i'm getting off track, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, "breasts", I would say tits, which is much cooler, but for some reason people find that offensive, and since I can't say tits I refuse to discuss the matter any further. Besides the fact that all I know about this movie is that it is called "The Texas Nailgun Massacre," there is not a single word in the English language to describe something as obviously amazing and awe-inspiring as this film. I thought of one but I don't think "splendiferous" is a word. Anywho, if you are lucky enough to run across "The Texas Nailgun Massacre" in your local video store (which you won't) I highly suggest you keep walking, because only those with hearts as pure as snow and strength as mighty as the wind blows can handle what lies in front of you on that movie store shelf..."Critters 3." But right next to that is a movie...I'm sorry, let me rephrase that, a revolution that is "The Texas Nailgun Massacre." (However since it is next to Critters 3, I bet you'll pick up both covers and compare the pictures on the boxes for awhile before you skip over both and rent "The Truth about Cats and Dogs," which is much cuter I think.)