Clay Loomis This is a horrid 1950's marketing short for an instrument company, and to my knowledge cannot be found on its own on video today. But the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version can be found, so that's what I'm commenting on.IMHO, this is the funniest short ever covered by MST3k (Circus on Ice would be second). First, it's a Joel episode, and I always found those best. Second, this short is so psychotic that it provides almost limitless riffing possibilities. I wonder how many other jokes they came up with that just had to be thrown out because they couldn't fit them in. Let's hope Joel gives Mr. B another good going over with his new show, Cinematic Titanic. He did it for Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.I was fortunate in that I recorded all the MST3k episodes shown on Comedy Central. I've been converting the tapes over to DVD and came across this episode today while doing so. I'd seen it many times in the 1990's, but found it has lost none of its impact. Drop dead funny!I've got too many favorite lines to list them all, so I'll just keep it short and leave you with this-Mr. B Natural: You've got to inspect your horn, boy.... Crow: ....And wash it every day.

judasrising666666 In this horrifying short film, a genderless pixie-ish entity named Mr. B Natural who is apparently the spokesperson for Conn instruments tries to awake the spirit of music inside a dorky loner 12 year-old named Buzz. After giving chase from his locker and his apparently Pee-Wee's Playhouse-esquire home, she tries convincing him to play an instrument. Apparently, if you become a bandie, you just wrote your own ticket to being cool, at least this rule applied in the 50s...Anyway, after being shown how to make instruments give "happy schmiiiiiles!" and "big laaaaaaaaaughs!", Buzz and his parents go to the music store to pick out a trumpet. After seeing how old ladies make instruments and how the instruments are tested in gas chambers, Buzz gets his trumpet, conforms to be like the other kids, and joins the band. After seeing his hilarious trumpet solo and the "really really white" school dance, we are left with the most terrifying film ever created.Of course, we all saw this watching MST3K (the best show in the universe), so we all know that this was going to be bad. As a short film, this is probably the worst short movie EVER MADE. Basically, it is band propaganda told by a sexless fairy! Scary? HELL YES! As an MST3K, probably the funniest episode ever!

"Manos!" This is without a doubt the single most frightening piece of film, short or otherwise, that I have ever seen! What about Blair Witch, you say? Or Scream? Or Texas Chainsaw Massacre? They have *nothing* on the all-engulfing terror that festers at the very heart of this thankfully brief atrocity of film.I gave it a two. (well, Mr. B was kinda cute, after all...)

Blue-32 I have griped up a storm about my elementary/junior high/high school days, talking about mental trauma inflicted upon me. For those who say, "Aw, it could NOT have been THAT bad," I suggest a viewing of this very waste of celluloid. Music is a wonderful thing... why use this kind of nasty, evil, perverted thing on innocent young children? MST3K helped me overcome years of horror by riffing on this thing... Unfortunately, this piece of filth was played in a music class I was forced to endure as a young 'un.Between this, and the folk "song" Tingalao, [about a walking, talking, eating with a knife and fork donkey] it is small wonder that any hope my father had for my being a brilliant concert pianist went into the toilet. I could kiss Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu and Kevin Murphy for their riffs on this horror! Thanks guys for helping me get at least mental revenge on something that gave me worse nightmares than The Wolf Man!