The Movie Diorama Oh Johnny, why must you do this? Sometimes you can say no, in fact it's good to say no when you are given this absolute drivel. A dash of 'Austin Powers', a splash of 'Pink Panther' and a colossal uninspired sprinkle of 'The Tourist' (which we all know wasn't great anyway). So what has Mr Depp graced us with his presence this time? Rich stupid useless man is recruited by inspectors to obtain a painting that holds a secret. Mildly amusing, occasionally watchable but I just...don't...get it. Why? Did they really think they could pull off an 'Austin Powers' spoof with Johnny Depp pretending to be British harnessing a moustache and an all too similar Jack Sparrow impersonation? Painfully unfunny, I mean I didn't laugh once...or even smile. The acting was questionable, with some very unusual casting choices. Bettany as a "man slave", Paltrow as a busty wife, Munn's a nymphomaniac (plausible I guess) and McGregor is just himself again. A committed central performance from Depp who always will be one of the best character performers in modern Hollywood, with Mortdecai being another memorable character. Yet the script is so horrendously dull that it gives no life to these characters. It's as if the story was brushed with a moustache comb, ridiculously fine yet with no soul. I didn't care where the painting was, heck I just wanted to laugh at something! Literally anything! Annoyingly, the film is only 107 minutes long and yet somehow felt like a good (well, bad...) 130 minutes. The narrative simply comprised of set pieces where stupidity ensues and Mortdecai exclaims "beluddy hell, ma sympafetik gag refwex!". The film takes itself utterly seriously, it really does and it shouldn't have done at all. This simply should've been a spoof, nothing more. Unfunny, weirdly acted, stupidly slow and just overly strange. Will this be a cult classic in years to come? I hope not. But hey, it's not the worst film I've ever seen, and if anything I did take away the important message of: "everyone needs a Jock"...*cough*.

petr-hanak-100-584142 One of the best comedies I have seen in years. Johnny Depp at his best, more mature version of his performance in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas or the first part of the Pirates series. The other three characters, i.e. Gwyneth Paltrow, Ewan McGregor and especially Paul Bettany are most enjoyable too. It is a clever conversation comedy, something like His Girl Friday but a bit slower and more spectacular. The movie is highly stylized, just like Grand Hotel Budapest, but much better than Grand Hotel Budapest.

imdb-45 Wow... all that came to mind was WTF???? It's that terrible. I love Depp, even his more unusual off the beaten path films. The cast is stellar with top names that practically guarantee that the film has to be watchable. I get the humor, the genre and what it is supposed to be. It's just not funny. At all. With very few good moments and a performance by Paul Bettany that is amusing enough to save the film from a rock bottom 1, this dud is a career ending dagger.A painting is stolen and Mortdecai, a millionaire art dealer swindler who is also friends of the police chief, is asked to help investigate in exchange for the Crown not prosecuting debts it holds from our protagonist. Mortdecai is fond of his ridiculous moustache, hated by his wife (Paltrow) who is lusted after by the police detective (McGregor). And the superhero butler who is always there to save the day is Jock, played by Bettany, who is also the satisfier of women everywhere. The film is way over the top humor. This is not anything close to Kingsmen - it's way, way over the top, caricatures of the usual players. Stupid stuff that is clearly beyond any reality, such as tailing kidnappers on a plane by holding onto the exterior of the plane for the entire trip - hahahaha! Isn't that funny!!! Cue in the zany British synth music and boy it's such a laugh.Depp pulls off his accent for the most part although he loses it at times. Gwyneth Paltrow is unwatachable. Her terrible British accent has been legendary in past films such as Sliding Doors and Shakespeare in Love. Listening to it is torture and you don't have to be a Brit to wish the film was silent.The story itself is pretty stupid and irrelevant as it is just a way of allowing Depp to do his painfully unfunny, self centered and unlikable character. Everyone is searching for the painting that has disappeared, including a bunch of Russian gangsters. Unless you're one of the few who liked this pile of unfunny trash, have another film as a backup because your company may just wish to turn this off early on. Unless you have eve a clue about British humor, you're going to wish you weren't curious enough to watch this heaping pile of stupidity.

Eddie Cantillo Mortdecai (2015) Starring: Johnny Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow, Ewan McGregor, Olivia Munn, Jeff Goldblum, Paul Bettany, Johnathan Pasvolsky, Michael Culkin, Ulrich Thomsen, Alec Utgoff Directed By:David Koepp Review Okay first of all this movie is rated R and I have no freaking clue as to why, but who is this movie for I mean it bombed at the box office. It's about Johnny Depp is playing yet another eccentric strange person (shocker) and he's some art guy,he's super rich but he owes so much money in taxes then Ewan McGregor hires him to find this stolen painting and there working together and his wife is played by Gwynteth Paltrow and theirs some love triangle between the three even though its not really. She won't kiss her husband because of some stupid mustache gag that plagues the movie. Johnny Depp bombs every line he tries because he's not likable the characters are not likable which leads to bad performances from just about everyone who for some reason is in this thing. I mean I miss the good old Johnny Depp but his films are becoming a bit pretentious lately and horrible just really horrible, I mean come on man.I mean it gets worse every time he's playing these eccentric strange people. I have no idea what Ewan McGregor is doing here I mean the guy is such a talent and in this he's just not funny. Paul Bettany plays Mortdeci's servant and all he does is be like "yes sir, I'm fine sir, you shot me sir." it's really annoying. Gwyneth Paltrow and Olivia Munn yeah their fun to look at but I have to say their wasted and I did not find them funny or enjoyable. This movie just sucks balls, it's already a little worse for me then Taken 3 and Blackhat which I also hated and this film can just be flushed down the toilet. I'm giving Mortdeci a half out of five.