Comeuppance Reviews
Set in Memphis, Tennessee, Kill Switch is the story of one Jacob (Seagal) a cop who will use any means necessary to get the information he wants. Plaguing the city is a serial killer named Lazarus (Filipowich), who leaves clues which must be deciphered at the scenes of his crimes, which means Jacob must go to the library to try and figure them out. Meanwhile, another scumbag, Billy Joe Hill (Collie) is causing mayhem on the streets as well. Jacob is also busy fighting the traumatic memories in his head, but he has his partner, Storm (King) and his pal The Coroner (Hayes) to help him out. With the pressure mounting and the body count rising (mainly because of Jacob) who will finally flip the KILL SWITCH? Another year, another Nu-Image Seagal. Frankly, we feel that Kill Switch is one of the worst latter-day Seagals. It's filled with stupid quick cuts and herky-jerky camera moves that are likely to give you whiplash. The "fight scenes", such as they are, are repetitive, overlong and poorly executed (but to be fair, they can be unintentionally funny, more on that later), and the plot is nothing you wouldn't see on any TV procedural. Seeing as Seagal's name is Jacob in the movie, perhaps the closest parallel is Jake and the Fat Man. But in a wild twist, Jake IS the fat man. What a mind-blower.It's important to remember that this movie came out around the time that Seagal's reality show Lawman was hitting the airwaves. So we get more police work from a guy with an absurd "Southern" accent. And seeing as Seagal managed to write the script, other characters call him "a genius" among other compliments, although evidence of genius, or even mild intelligence, are not really on display. Seagal could have written anything for himself, but he chose to make Jacob a horrible torturer, just like the character he plays in Driven To Kill (2009). There's no possible way an audience can like this character as he's brutally, mercilessly, amorally, unnecessarily torturing his victims. Adding a miscast Isaac Hayes as The Coroner (Seagal didn't even bother to give him a proper name) and a partner that looks like a bloated Philip Michael Thomas (interestingly enough, he's played by another 3-named guy with the name "Thomas" somewhere in there - maybe Seagal thought it WAS PMT and got confused) don't help matters.And as for the fight scenes, oh dear...what appears to be happening is Seagal just stands there, while stunt doubles Nicholas Harrison and Dian Hristov (we feel their names should be known to the world, as they are the ones doing all the work) don over-sized leather jackets and ridiculous wigs and pretend to be Jacob. The way this is all edited together is laughable. It's so blindingly obvious it's not Seagal, a child could see it. Who do they think they're fooling? And the real crime is that the scenes, especially the first major one in the bar, go on for a ridiculously long time, leaving the viewer ample opportunity to see Harrison and Hristov. If the fight scene had just been "quick and dirty", as they say, not to mention edited properly, there's a strong chance we wouldn't notice the stunt doubles. But no, it's almost like Seagal wanted us to see them.If you always wanted to see Zodiac (2007) but with ridiculous hair, here's your movie. It would be interesting for Seagal to try and play a character that is even a little bit likable. But no, it's just editing a guy jumping out a window 17 times and tacking on a completely nonsensical ending. Do not engage this Kill Switch.For more action insanity, drop by: www.comeuppancereviews.com
cheflounder77
I have found the four most scary words in the English language: WRITTEN BY STEVEN SEAGAL. I have wasted many hours on bad movies. I have wanted those hours back. This one hurt me. Physically Hurt me. Segal must have needed rent or something for this piece of dung to be released. First it shows his twin brother being brutally murdered (Which is never answered) then he is beating up some guy and throwing him out the window. As he goes out the window his back is going out, but when the scene changes, he is going head first. AND WHY DOES HE HAVE THE STUPID ACCENT? Every time he talked I needed to turn up the volume so I could hear his crappy dialog. And then at the end, he disappears and goes to a new house (Which could be somewhere in the Shire) with a new wife(who looks 19) and two kids and I think a nanny who looks like Meg from Family Guy. His teen wife strips for him and the movie is over. The fact that this movie an almost 4 rating (at the time this was written) on IMDb, makes me think that the majority of users have down syndrome. Because for anyone to rate this higher than a 1, they must be retarded. The worst movies I have seen in the theater are still 100 times better than this piece of crap on a good drunken $1 at Blockbuster Night. This becomes my new #1 worst movie of all time, due to the unbelievably bad Scooby-Doo ending that has me wanted to send him hate mail for the $6 I paid for this travesty that I bought in the Wal-Mart S--t bin. I wanted a good laugh and found myself with a nose bleed when it was done. Save yourself some time, and masturbate with a cheese grater - you will have more fun with that then watching this worthless effort.Top 5 Worst of all time 5. Boo 4. The Pumpkin Carver 3. The Stuff 2. Teenage Caveman 1. Kill Switch
JoeytheBrit
The name 'Steven Seagal' may not put the fear of God into many people these days, but when it is preceded by the two little words 'written by' it is something to strike fear in the hearts of stronger men than me. Summoning that peculiar kind of bravery possessed by a masochist equipped with a dozen clothes pegs and a wet shoelace I girded my loins and pressed the 'forward' button on my remote. There was no going back now, like one of Seagal's on screen sparring partners I was to be exposed to every sweaty punch and chop the big (big) man chose to throw in my direction.I can get back the precious 8% of available recording time KillSwitch occupied on my Sky box, and the 90 minutes I lost watching the film are, in the grand scheme of things, only a minimal fraction of my intended lifespan, but my faith in the movie-making business may never be the same after watching this unholy mess.The story is rubbish – that was to be expected after we learned who the screenwriter was – but the direction and editing in this film are surely something to be amazed by. The direction varies from pedestrian to excruciatingly bad – we see one bad guy crashing through a window half-a-dozen times, another bad guy collapse onto a table three times, etc. The editor keeps cutting away from the fights to the same headshot of Seagal in which he looks like a mildly interested bystander. In one fight scene, his opponent's bloody scars keeping appearing and disappearing. Another fight seems to go on forever, with all participants seeming to possess super-heroic stamina levels, and you end up watching in stupefaction, not quite able to believe that a movie fight scene is actually boring you.Seagal plays a Southern cop with issues. It seems he witnessed the murder of his brother when he was a kid. What bearing this has on his present-day pursuit of a serial killer is never really explained. Neither is the identity or motive of the murderer. In fact the incident just seems to have been added to fill out the running time, give the director (whoever he is – I really can't be bothered to check) a chance to show off all the flashy tricks he learned while balancing on top of a dustbin to peer through the window of the local film studies classroom, and to give Seagal the opportunity to come over all broody every now and then.Seagal was never sylph-like but, judging by the way we are treated to a lot of head-and-shoulder shots but hardly any full-lengths shots of him, his girth has expanded considerably since the 90s. In fact, he doesn't even move when he fights: he just parries his opponents' blow and waits for them to stray close enough for him to fell them with his meaty paw.
