Pro Jury *** This review contains many spoilers. *** The best, most fun, movie experience I had in over 10 years.IRON WARRIOR wipes away the silly cartoonish AVATAR, THE 300, LORD OF THE RINGS, and new-fangled non-classic STAR WARS, etc, and restores the dream that once was honest-to-goodness real life fantasy.The only downside with IRON WARRIOR is the realization that this type of movie could _NEVER_ be made in today's fake digital CG world.IRON WARRIOR is a fantasy movie filled to frame edge with crisp realism. Forget artificial studio reproductions of the great outdoors -- IRON WARRIOR is filmed in the real outdoors of Malta. Forget cartoon girls and cartoon boys -- IRON WARRIOR lets viewers enjoy the real flesh of nice looking actors.The movie contains many wide-angle views of open skies and blue seas. It is a wonder how these shots are not filled with jet trails and pleasure boats. Still, the picturesque sky and ocean are just the beginning of what IRON WARRIOR has to offer. IRON WARRIOR is very easy to watch. The good guys are young and beautiful. The bad guys are old and ugly. The lead male hero is a striking figure with a face that must have inspired decades of Japanese anime artists.The young females are all running around in a time before bras. The female costumes outdo any I can recall. Even better than the ST: TOS female costumes.Once the viewer comes to understand the implications presented by the female costumes, apt attention and an erect edge-of-seat position will follow right up until the ending credits.The costumes help make IRON WARRIOR stacked with great adult visual appeal. Visually stunning to be sure.IRON WARRIOR has Borg. It has swords. It has D-sized excitement.Just when you might think it could not be any better, there is slow-motion bouncing and slow-motion hero running.Then again, just when it could not be any better, IRON WARRIOR has swimming.And then close to the very end of the film, just when surely it could not get any better, the actors start talking and BAM! -- we viewers discover that IRON WARRIOR actually has a plot! IRON WARRIOR is the coolest most fun movie to watch -- specially when compared to the fake cartoons of today's childish "epics." Make sure to catch the Director's Cut Extended Version of IRON WARRIOR. Highly recommended.

lttmoose I was flipping through the channels when I caught the very end of this, for lack of a better term, we'll call it a "movie". I saw an old lady dancing on a cliff. Then someone, I assumed he was the hero due to the cheekbones, shoves a torch in her face and she falls off the cliff.It was so utterly surreal that I wasn't sure if the movie was insane, or if I was insane and had created a vision of it in my madness. I resolved to record the thing the next time it was on and test the limits of my sanity. Yes, like a professor in a Lovecraft story, I had found a mysterious object that could warp your very mind and was convinced I could handle it. How wrong I was.There's not so much a plot as there are... several things that happen, none of which have any impact on the rest. Remember those cliffs I talked about? Well, get used to them, because almost every scene is shot on, in, or around them. Two kids play with something that looks like a tribble and one is kidnapped, inadvertently saving this poor kid from having to be in the rest of the movie. Three of Warrent's failed auditions for 'Cherry Pie' laugh on a video screen as a hula hoop prison twirls around what appears to be an older Ms. Frizzle from the Magic School Bus. A king is assassinated and the princess runs off to raise an army by not wearing a bra.I would like to reiterate: none of this matters. Not. A. Single. Bit. Except the part about the bra-less princess. I have a feeling that was the entire reason for this film being made.We then see the hero, he of the chiseled cheek, posing on a hill. His name is Ator, or Ugh-Toorrrrrr, or HrghTrgh, or whatever the actor is told to mimic, because English is clearly not their native language. Something happens with a woman burning his (or someone's, it's not entirely clear) house down with Ator inside. He survives by covering himself with a wet blanket and laughing at the concept of smoke inhalation.The movie then does what it does best: ignore what just happened and moves on to the next scene. The princess is running from some thugs on horseback and ErrTerr has to save her. She's taken captive by, and I truly wish I was making this up, tying each of her limbs to a horse. The obvious mannequin is then carried over a couple of pre-set spears. No, they don't stab her. No, she doesn't resist and dodge them. Her captors are just passing her over the spears five or six times while HrTuor kills them one by one. Somehow, they manage to keep the mannequin suspended even when they're down to one mook. Movie magic at its finest.I could go on like this. I really could. The movie never deviates from this pattern, one non-event following the next, each taking a bit of your soul away with it. The fights deserve mention for two reasons. One: there's no acting during them which is a nice break. Two: they provide a perfect example for how to do everything wrong. I showed the movie to two of my friends, both trained and certified stage combatants, and they punched me in the face for, quote "Ruining their careers by associating what they did with something like this," end quote. So there, this movie made two people hate what they do because it did it so bad. We're still friends, I deserved the face-punching.Music, costuming, cinematography, they're all the products of the '80's. Imagine a post-apocalyptic society rebuilding itself based on Mad Max and VH1 Classic music videos. Then shoot all that by a ten-year-old who got hold of daddy's VHS recorder and just figured out he can make people "disappear" by alternating the pause and record buttons. Set the whole mess to the worst synthesizer demo music you've ever heard wafting from the keyboard aisle at Wal-Mart and you've got Iron Warrior in a nutshell.

Boinky8 This is the third out of four Ator films, and the sequel to MST3K's Cave Dwellers. This is probably the best shot but least entertaining film in the series. It was directed by someone other than Joe D'Amato who tried to take the subject matter seriously and make a dark, brooding Ator film. However, Ator and seriousness do not get along well at all. All Ator films are horrible. However, the other three are so horrible that they become funny because of their plagiarized plots, cliché characters, toy quality props, and outrageous dialogue. This movie has hardly any of these. It seems like there is nothing to this movie except for Ator and a Princess running around on a beach and getting into sword fights with the same group of extras over and over again. There is almost no plot to this movie: Ator has to defeat an evil witch by finding the "Golden Chest of the Ages". The movie's ending is not satisfying and does not resolve any elements of the plot; it's more like the movie just stopped when they ran out of budget. There is also little dialog; although the lines that are present are among the worst in the entire Ator Series. The evil witch character gets more dialogue and screen time than Ator, and she really gets annoying after a while. Much of the movie's running time is taken up with scenes where the witch takes the form of almost every other character in the movie just to trick Ator and make him flabbergasted.The best part about this movie is the filming locations and the cinematography. It was filmed on scrub deserts and ancient ruins on the islands of Malta and Gozo, including some of the oldest stone structures made by humans. In fact, the buildings in which Ator cavorts about are far more interesting than anything that happens to him in this movie. You might get some enjoyment out of the scenic backdrop if you turn off the sound to avoid the terrible music and witch cackling.

pantagruella I can understand why fans of Sword and Sorcery films might be disappointed with this film. However it is a distinctive tale with some genuinely artistic direction. The Maltese locations are inspired especially when you consider the mystique surrounding those early cultures.The action sequences don't stand up to modern scrutiny, but the hero certainly looks the part. Trogar isn't the worst unstoppable creature I've seen. The two leads are restrained - you might say 'wooden' but that works well if you accept the film's legendary feel.The real liveliness of the film comes from the Witchy bad girl who is clearly having fun; and the Timelord-style goddesses who oppose her.The film isn't exciting but neither is it predictable. The script isn't bad at all and seems to have some ambitions with regard to dualism and the need for balance in the universe.I won't throw my copy away.