udar55 A group of archaeologists on an unnamed planet get more than they bargained for when they unearth some crystals. One crew member immediately dies when exposed to them and soon Sandy (Judy Geeson) finds herself kidnapped and impregnated by an alien. This causes her to have superhuman strength and decide to kill everyone. Totally a bummer for Mark (Robin Clarke), the mission leader and her old boyfriend. My earlier viewing Norman J. Warren's PREY (1978) prompted me to revisit the only Warren film I had seen. I still enjoy this cheap-o ALIEN (1979) clone as it unfolds like a slasher in a space mining camp. Seriously, these characters act just like the thick headed teens in a body count flick, always doing dumb stuff like leaving secure areas. Hell, they fall for the "I'm okay, help me" bit from Sandy twice! It is the kind of movie where someone gets their oxygen helmet opened and instantly fall back with their arms out, gasping for air (hint: use your arms to close the helmet). I also love the bit of tension from a woman whose foot gets caught. She barely attempts to dislodge it, cries when they tell her to connect two wires on her suit and then decides the best course of action is to cut her own foot off. She doesn't make it. The film also answers the age-old question of "which alien pregnancy came first, the INSEMINOID or the XTRO?" It was INSEMINOID, although XTRO topped it in terms of the gross out factor. What is up with you Brits and alien pregnancy?

BA_Harrison Another blatant cash-in/knock-off/rip-off of Ridley Scott's Alien, Norman J. Warren's low-budget sci-fi/horror Inseminoid is an absolutely dire viewing experience from start to finish, cheap and nasty to look at, poorly directed, and devoid of any originality, atmosphere, tension or excitement whatsoever.Shot in and around Chislehurst Caves, which are made to look like an alien environment through the 'clever' use of coloured filters and a smoke machine, this cheap, exploitative piece of crap sees a group of interplanetary boffins (including past-their-prime Hammer babes Stephanie Beacham and Judy Geeson, and future star Victoria Tennant) discover a malevolent extraterrestrial buried in a tomb. The creature infects a member of the team, turning him into a raging maniac, before raping Geeson's character, sending her into a non-stop fit of violent hysterics for the rest of the film (I found Geeson's performance virtually unbearable; I cheered when she got strangled).Visual effects are primitive (think 'Blakes 7' and you won't go far wrong), there is some rather basic gore which is unlikely to impress, and only Geeson gets her baps out (Stephanie's would have been better), but praise must go to the set, prop, and costume designers, without whose sterling work I wouldn't have laughed so hard: the movie's high-tech space base is constructed from plywood, vacuum formed plastic (decorated with naff futuristic stencil graphics), and assorted plastic crates; the deep space exploration team come equipped with a set of hedge trimmers (!?!?); and space-wear consists of a choice of silver or gold jumpsuit teamed with either a firefighter's mask or motorcycle helmet, and a length of vacuum cleaner hose attached to supply oxygen.

James Hitchcock Britain has produced some great science fiction writers, such as the late Sir Arthur C Clarke, and an iconic science fiction television show, "Doctor Who". Sci-fi, however, has not been something that the British cinema has normally excelled in, although there have been occasional exceptions such as "Village of the Damned" and "Quest for Love". In the late seventies and early eighties, however, sci-fi was all the rage, following the success of "Star Wars", and even the British felt they had to get in on the act. Lack of finance meant that Britain was unable to produce its own big-budget space epics of the "Star Wars" type; that camp, self-mocking parody "Flash Gordon" was about the closest we got. "Inseminoid" is rather based upon another successful American science fiction film of the late seventies, "Alien".A group of interplanetary archaeologists (apparently in the far distant future there will be such an academic discipline) are carrying out a dig on an alien planet, otherwise known as Chislehurst (a dormitory town on the southern edge of London). One of the team, Sandy, is raped and impregnated by an alien creature. (Although the film is set many centuries in the future, all the characters have nice, user-friendly twentieth century English names like Mark, Gary, Sharon and Sandy). Pregnancy seems to change Sandy's character for the worse, because she goes on a homicidal rampage, slaughtering her colleagues one by one in order to feed on their blood. Although Sandy is outnumbered by about ten to one, and although the others have weapons which she lacks, they are unable to combine effectively to overcome her, merely offering themselves up like lambs to the slaughter.In the course of the film we make some interesting discoveries about the planet and its inhabitants, namely:- • Alien males have transparent plastic penises.• The main symptom of pregnancy among alien females is not morning sickness but murderous bloodlust. This possibly explains why their species is on the verge of extinction.• Contrary to what biologists might think, it is quite possible for humanoid life to evolve on a barren planet with temperatures of ninety degrees below zero.• There may be intelligent life in outer space but there is precious little in the British film industry.The film was made on a very low budget, as will be evident from the sets, costumes and props. The only thing director Norman Warren can do to make the exterior scenes look a bit less like Chislehurst is to shoot them through a red filter, although that makes it look as though the characters are moving at the bottom of an ocean of strawberry jam.Low budgets are not necessarily an impossible obstacle in the science-fiction field; the makers of British television series such as "Doctor Who" and "Blake's Seven", and even American ones such as "Star Trek", did not have at their disposal the huge amounts of cash George Lucas spent on "Star Wars". They could, however, sometimes call upon intelligent scripts and decent acting, which is not the case with "Inseminoid". The cast, at least on the female side, includes some relatively well-known names such as Judy Geeson, Stephanie Beacham and Victoria Tennant, none of whom look as though they know what they are doing in a film like this.At its best, science fiction can ask some pertinent questions about how science and technology might possibly develop in the future, and also about the philosophical, ethical and social implications of those developments. At its worst, it is "Plan 9 from Outer Space". On a scale of Ed Wood to Asimov, "Inseminoid" comes very close to the bottom end; it is only the third film I have ever given the minimum mark. The science fiction setting is really no more than an excuse for some video-nasty type gore and mayhem. 1/10.

Tikkin I recently found a pre-cert of Inseminoid with the VHS cover of the woman about to be inseminated by the alien. It's a cool looking cover from the heyday of 80's horror films, but sadly the film itself is nothing too special. It's really just an "Alien" clone on a low budget, with a few nice gore scenes. The highlight has to be the scene where the woman is inseminated by the alien. It is truly bizarre to watch, but not as cool as it could have been. My favourite scene is when the alien-bearing woman kills another woman in a bathroom - the attack is quite frenzied and bloody, and well shot. Afterwards she is in anguish because it wasn't really 'her' that did it, it was the alien inside her that now controls her. There's a few other cool scenes, such as when she gives birth to the alien, and when she rips off a mans space helmet and he suffocates to death. Sadly, everything in-between these scenes is very boring and you don't care for any of the characters.Overall, I would say Inseminoid is worth a watch, but be warned: the only good parts are the death/alien birth/insemination scenes - everything else is just dull.