Mr_Ectoplasma You know, I've seen a lot of really awful low-budget horror flicks, and the vast majority of the time I want to slap myself for giving them a chance; in fact, I don't even bother with them anymore, and have become an expert and identifying these cheap, uninspired straight-to-DVD movies before I even think about buying/renting them. Having heard a lot about this movie, I was curious— I knew I wasn't in for anything special, but I was intrigued.The paper-thin plot has five teenage girls driving in the backwoods of Tennessee on the way home from a football game. For no apparent reason, they continue to take turns on more backroads in an attempt to make it home quicker, and end up rear-ending a car at a rundown country store. Soon after, they find themselves being stalked by the crazed woman whose car they damaged, who subjects them to a multitude of horrors."Five Across the Eyes" plays out like the blandest of student films— generally poor acting, bad dialogue, corny music, and amateur cinematography— but for whatever reasons, I found the attempt here to be somewhat admirable. The film draws on the brutal grindhouse aesthetic of films like "The Last House on the Left", although the writing here is much poorer. As I said, there really is not story to speak of, and the dialogue is pretty awful. The five young ladies here give performances that you might expect out of an unorganized high school play, and this is expounded by the lack of intelligent writing. Many people have found the characters and their dialogue embarrassingly bad, but I think that that was at least halfway intentional— they aren't the smartest characters. They are stupid high school girls from backwoods Tennessee. The actress who portrayed the crazed villain was surprisingly good, though.The film was shot on mini-DV camcorders, and it shows. The picture is grainy and appears as is if it could have been shot in 1991, but this aspect of the film is somewhat distinguishing in a positive way, giving it an almost home-video snuff film feel to it. The violence in the film is also surprisingly realistic for such a shoestring production, and is actually rather disturbing at moments— the fuzzy camcorder cinematography probably adds to this factor, and if the acting weren't so bad, you could potentially mistake moments of this film as real-life filmed violence. While the film is ultimately a cheap and generally poorly-written piece of work, I appreciated the stylistic attempt at capturing a bunch of hysterical teenage girls in a car on backwoods roads in the middle of the night. There's little tension and perhaps a bit of suspense, but a lot of this is let down by the dialogue and acting. The cinematographic aspects of the film are great for the kind of style they were going for, it's just too bad the writing and acting wasn't realistic enough to support it. 3.5/10.

Paul Andrews Five Across the Eyes starts as five young teenage girls are driving home in time for their curfew, they stop off at a store & accidentally hit another car & decide to just drive off & leave it. Soon after the other car forces them to stop & a crazy woman with a shotgun gets out & shouts at them, makes them take their clothes off & makes them pee on them & then randomly drives off. Shaken & shocked the girls think their ordeal is over but the crazy woman comes back for seconds as she seems intent on killing the terrified girls who are lost & are low on gas...Produced & directed by Greg Swinson & Ryan Theissen with Swinson writing the thing & Theissen responsible for the cinematography & editing I have to say that Five Across the Eyes is easily one of the worst films I have ever seen if not the worst, I mean I'm struggling to think of a film I have seen that's worse. Now let me start off by saying that I am sure a lot of the film-making decision taken here were deliberate to try & provoke atmosphere, tension, realism & suspense but there is not one aspect of Five Across the Eyes that I didn't hate it to be honest it looks like a bad home video that has been put up on YouTube & even then it's still slightly embarrassing & a frankly worthless waste of 90 odd minutes of my time that I could have been doing something more entertaining & fun like pulling my fingernails out with pliers. The reviews on the web seem quite positive but on the IMDb (the amount of 1 Star comments is revealing & they can't all be wrong, right?) & it's message board which I think is much more of an indicator of what the average person thinks it's absolutely trashed by just about everyone & the phrase 'the worst film I have ever seen' is used a few times & to be fair most of these negative comments mention th same things & I have to agree with them. The story is terrible, alright I suspect it's meant to be minimalistic but this minimal? There's never any reason or explanation for the events that happen & it just feels totally random. It goes on for ages, the amount of plot here would struggle to fill a thirty minute made for telly program let along a full length feature. The dialogue is awful with these annoying girls who don't seem to have a brain cell between them taking about random stuff & screaming a lot. Oh god the screaming, there are seemingly endless scenes of these girls screaming or crying or whining which not only irritates & annoys & prevents any sane viewer feeling any sort of sympathy for them it also makes what they are trying to say almost impossible to hear properly. Then there's the real killer, the entire film is set & shot within the confines of a mini van, seriously the camera never leaves this car & as you can imagine it gets really boring, add that the low body count of just one person killed on screen & Five Across the Eyes is a film that I hated with a passion.On a technical level again I can see that the film-making style here was a deliberate choice but I have to be honest again & say Five Across the Eyes is the worst looking film I have ever seen. As a fan of film I like my films to look like proper films as it's a visual medium & I definitely don't want them to look worse than the average YouTube video or my home films shot on a camcorder while I was drunk. It really does look that amateurish & that bad, it's a complete eyesore & I hated every moment of every second of it. Just think The Blair Witch Project (1999) only ten times worse looking & sounding & you will be almost there. There are times during Five Across the Eyes when you literally can't tell what's going on or happening because of the camera-work & the almost pitch black & grainy contrast levels. The violence is tame too with a few splashes of blood & a stabbing at the end.Low budget doesn't even begin to describe Five Across the Eyes, with a supposed budget of about $4,000 this is easily one of the lowest budgeted films ever given a wide release. The two vans in the film were owned by members of the production & that's basically pretty much the entire budget right there, the locations. The acting is pretty bad by the main cast, I just hated all the fake put on crying & screaming that didn't convince at all but did irritate immensely.Five Across the Eyes will go down as one of the worst films I have ever seen & I have seen a few films, whenever anyone now ask's me what's the worst film I have ever seen Five Across the Eyes will definitely get a mention. I hated it, every single aspect & wretched moment of it.

anxietyresister Well it starts off well enough, with a theme tune that sounds like a 80's Nintendo game and 5 sexy lasses in a car trying to navigate their way through the dark night. They stop off at a roadside shop to get directions, and accidentally collide with a stationary car while leaving, busting its headlight. Panicking, they don't stop to exchange insurance details, but drive off.. BIG MISTAKE. The deranged, rabbiting female driver catches up, forces them out of the car at gunpoint and makes all five strip in front of her. She even coaxes one to pee on her own clothes!! Then, after mumbling something about 'having to pick up her kids' she abandons the young ladies, and they think their ordeal is over.. but it's only just begun..Well, you can say one thing for FATE, it earns its 18 certificate and then some. We have torture, graphic violence, non-stop profanities, gore aplenty, human fecal matter being thrown at windscreens and bloody rape with some very unusual objects. It's safe to say whoever dreamt up this project is a very sick puppy indeed. Of course this would mean nothing if the movie wasn't suspenseful enough, and the for the first 20 or so minutes the scary premise seems to be working, as our heroines get abused and lose their way out in the middle of nowhere, with not one phone signal between the lot of them ( Typical ) and a mad woman following their every move. The scene is set for a efficient low budget thriller..Only to come crashing back to Earth as we are forced to listen to these TERRIBLE actress's boring conversations about boyfriends and family even while they are being pursued by a serial killer. These little chats would be fine in moderation, but even when some of their number are grievously injured, we still get comments about what one of the girl's dad is going to think of the state of the car, or who arranged a date on the phone that evening. WHO CARES? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE RUNNING FOR YOUR LIFE!! SAVE THAT CR*P FOR LATER!! And speaking of injuries, considering what the girls have been through including being shot, concussed, sexually abused etc. they make miraculous recoveries very quickly towards the end. Why do we even have an NHS when a cigarette lighter and a torn off bit of cloth can stop someone from bleeding to death? AMAZING.But the worst aspect of the whole film is: we don't care about any of these people. They're all airhead bimbos obsessed with how their hair and nails look and the only thing that matters to them is being part of the in-crowd. Killing these tedious strumpets would almost be a mercy. As mentioned before, listening to their obnoxious banter for 90 odd minutes is sheer hell in itself, quite apart from any torture meted out in the film. Lastly, I should warn you about the Jerk-o Cam, which makes it virtually impossible to see what's going on sometimes, as it wibble and wobbles about as if made out of gelatin. Nowhere is this more apparent than during the climax, where a lot the action is missed thanks to the ADD director. I know you're trying to be cutting edge sir, but you're rendered your film almost unwatchable. Get a tripod next time, will ya?3/10. Now I'm off to be sick. Not because of the horrendous violence I just saw, but the to-ing and fro-ing of that damn camera. BLEURGH!!

michandhuey i just want to warn anyone thinking of buying or watching this film, don't. I've joined IMDb just so i could leave a comment about this film, which I've just finished watching, and want to say this is absolutely one of the worst films I've ever seen. the acting was atrocious (where did they find these "actors"?), the soundtrack sounded like something from "music3000" the ps2 game, and the whole idea of the film was completely sick. what the hell is wrong with these people, cant they think of anything else? i don't think we"ll be seeing any of these people in future presentations. if you like a film that involves puking in hands, weeing on clothes, pooing in hands and throwing it at a car, rape by a screwdriver, anal rape by a gun (done by a woman!), and multiple stabbings in chest and downstairs to the killer, then this film is for you. but this will be the the longest 90 mins of your life, so please, for your sanity, Don't WATCH THIS!!!