BA_Harrison Lina Romay plays wanton vampire Countess Irina Karlstein, who wanders around in a sheer black cape and a big leather belt, sucking the life out of her victims, not from their necks, but from a bit further south (this is a Jess Franco film, so I think you know where I mean).I bought an uncut and uncensored Dutch 'Collector's Edition' DVD of Franco's Female Vampire from eBay quite a few years ago believing it would have English subtitles (not unreasonably so, since the seller said it had). It didn't, and so it languished on the shelf gathering dust.Last night, I finally got around to watching the film regardless of my not understanding what was being said (no, I hadn't learnt French in the interim) and to say I was bored is a massive understatement. Despite the usual Franco quota of bare boobs and close-up crotch shots courtesy of star Lina Romay (and a few other strumpets), the film had me struggling to stay awake, its dreamlike (ie., uneventful and painfully slow) approach and almost complete lack of plot making for a really dull experience.1/10, although I was very nearly tempted to give it 2/10 for Romay's hilarious self-gratification involving a phallic bedpost and cylindrical pillow, and for the bit where a blind man fondle's a dead woman's snatch.

Witchfinder General 666 Personally, I am a huge fan of Jess Franco, who has enriched the world of Eurohorror/Exploitation by a vast variety of films, including masterpieces such as "Gritos En La Noche", ("The Awful Dr. Orloff", 1962) and Miss Muerte" ("The Diabolical Dr. Z", 1966), a vast amount of entertaining sleaze, as well as big-time stinkers (such as "Sadomania"). With a repertoire of over 190 films, Franco must be the most prolific Exploitation director of all-time; and while I can understand those who do not share my admiration for the Spanish Trash-deity, one has to give it to Franco that even his lesser films always have a certain weird style, which is almost impossible not to like for a cult-cinema fan. Take this film, for example: "Les Avaleuses" (aka. "Female Vampire"/"Bare Breasted Countess"/"Erotikill") of 1973 is, without any doubt, an incredibly nonsensical film that is more Porn than it is Horror and ranges among the most shamelessly plot-less Euro-Exploitation features ever produced. And yet I cannot claim I didn't enjoy it.The main attraction is Franco's Nr. 1 muse (and real-life wife) the stunning Lina Romay. Sexy Lina plays Countess Irina Karlstein, a female vampire who walks around wearing only a cape and a belt, who kills her victims (of both sexes) during sex, and who does not limit herself to sucking blood exclusively. Then there's also a weird-looking pathologist (played by director Franco) who desperately tries to convince the police that the mutilated corpse are victims of a vampire, not a madman... This may not sound like a proper plot-description, but fact is that this confused little film does not really have a proper plot. About 90 per cent of the film are soft-core porn (or hard-core porn, depending on which version you see), sleaze, and shots of beautiful Lina Romay walking naked through the forest. The 'Horror' is quite ridiculous, and the dialogue ranges among the most nonsensical things ever written. Lina Romay's leading character is mute, but her communicating through body language is quite welcome! There is also a character named Professor Orloff (is it Franco's own Dr. Orloff?) who only talks truly bizarre nonsense. The rest of the cast includes Eurocult regular Jack Taylor (who was in many Franco films, and also starred in many other Spanish Horror productions including many films in which he played alongside the late Paul Naschy), as well as the weird-looking Franco-flick bit-part-player Luis Barboo.Basically, this film is recommendable for two reasons, the first and most convicting one being Lina Romay who walks around naked for almost the entire film. The second reason is that it is a Jess Franco film, and therefore delivers the nonsensical plot in a particular, stylish manner. It is obvious that Franco didn't even bother about the plot, and he certainly doesn't give a crap about people nagging about the lack of it. In typical Franco-fashion, the film is atmospheric, nicely shot in beautiful locations and accompanied by a nice score. The plot may be almost non-existent, and the film may be a mere repetition of sleazy sequences - one still doesn't get bored. The sequences shot in the car, by the way, are a nice tribute to Tod Browning's 1931 "Dracula" with Bela Lugosi.Overall, I can only recommend "Female Vampire" to my fellow enthusiastic fans of Jess Franco. To anybody not familiar with Franco, I would recommend to check out his brilliant early works, such as "The Awful Dr. Orloff", "The Diabolical Dr. Z" or "Venus in Furs" and skip this one. While it does range in the lesser half of his repertoire, it isn't the worst film he has ever made, though. Once asked about the reason for film-making, Franco replied: "Showing the female body naked." How can one not appreciate such honesty?

Michael_Elliott Female Vampire (1973) *** 1/2 (out of 4) Jess Franco's erotic twist on the vampire legend has Lina Romay playing Countess Irina, the last member of a vampire family who plans on ending the legacy. A troubled journalist (Anna Watican) shows up to interview Irina and soon the vampire is putting a spell on her. This film is available in three different versions. A hardcore one, which I've watched before, a horror version and a softcore version, which is being reviewed here. The difference in this take on the vampire legend is that Romay doesn't suck the blood out of the neck but instead sucks the semen out of you know where. When you talk to Franco fans about this film you'll usually start a heated debate but to me this is one of the directors best films. The opening, with Romay, naked of course, walking through a fog filled forest, really sets the tone for the film, which also includes a terrific and haunting score by Daniel White. Romay plays a mute in the film and I think this is one of her best performances because she's able to display a sadness that really works for the film. It doesn't hurt matters that she walks around completely naked throughout the movie and this beauty is certainly her in prime shape. This softcore version is certainly more erotic than horror but this is just fine as I find the movie to be incredibly sexy. There's a nearly ten minute lesbian scene between Romay and the reporter, which is extremely hot. Franco himself as well as Jack Taylor, Alice Arno and Monica Swinn has supporting roles and all add fine work (although it's hard to tell with some of the English dubbing). This version runs a tad bit too long at 101-minutes but if you get caught up in the dream like nature of the film then you really are seeing one of the more unique sexploitation films out there. I've seen the XXX version, which is just downright ugly and kills the beauty of the original film but I'm still trying to seek out the horror version and will hopefully come upon it sometime soon.Female Vampire (1973) Horror version *** (out of 4)I finally managed to get a copy of this alternate version of Female Vampire, which is better known as Erotikill or The Bare Breasted Countess. This is certainly a new film and really separates itself from the better known "sex" versions, which also contains another alternate version with XXX scenes. In this horror version everything is basically the same story wise with the major exception being that Countess Irina (Lina Romay) sucks blood and not other things. The differences in this version are quite major and the biggest is that this cut runs nearly 35-minutes shorter. The opening sequence with Romay walking through the woods features her wearing panties, which eliminates all of the below the waste nudity. All the attacks aren't done through sex but instead are bites to the neck, which also include shots of Romay's bloody lips. The film still has a lot of nudity but most of the below the waste stuff has either been taken out or are alternate shots with Romay wearing clothing. The subplot and relationship of Romay with the journalist (Anna Watican) is also shortened to the point where we don't see the two characters together very often. Other changes include a torture chamber sequence where Romay bites on more necks from women she has captured down there. So, is the film any better or worse? I think this horror version works fairly well as a horror movie but it's nothing we haven't seen before and it really can't compete against Franco's much better Vampyros Lesbos, which is pretty similar. I think taking away the sexual aspect of the story kills all of the originality so to me the sex version will always be the preferred one.

Paul Andrews Les Avaleues, or under one of it's many alternate titles such as Bare Breasted Countess, Erotic Kill, Female Vampire, Insatiable Lust, Jacula (!), The Last Thrill & The Loves of Irina as they get more & more obscure, starts on the Portuguese island of Maderia where Countess Irina Karlstein (Lina Romay) is living in her ancestral home. The mute Countess Karlstein is the latest in a long line of Vampires who preys on various islanders like a farmer (Roger Germanes) whom she seduces & kills to satisfy her need for spunk. Police pathologist Dr. Roberts (the not so great man Jesus Franco himself!) lays it on the line for the local police but they refuse to believe his crackpot theories about Vampirism along with the blind & somewhat weird Dr. Orloff (Jean-Pierre Bouyxou) who also has really bad facial hair. That's it really folks, there isn't any other story or plot to this piece O' crap.This French Belgium co-production was edited, photographed, co-written & directed by Jesus 'I have no talent' Franco who also has a role in the film which proves that along with being a totally useless filmmaker he can't act either! Is there no beginning to this mans talents?! I am aware that Les Avaleuses exists in several different versions & I would be willing to bet that almost all of the comments found on the internet refer to the version titled Female Vampire released on DVD in the states & UK, this version is basically the worst soft-core sex film ever & pretty much every other element is inconsequential. The script by Franco & Gerard Brisseau is so bad it's unbelievable, there is no story, the character's are virtually none existent, nothing even remotely interesting or exciting happens & I struggle to see why Les Avaleuses is even described as a film because it doesn't feel like one while watching it. Personally I think Les Avaleuses feels like random scene sloppily & poorly edited together with the only common factor being the Countess Karlstein & a few of the locations used. I have not one good thing to say about this piece of crap on which I wasted 100 odd minutes of my life, one of the worst 'things' (I simply refuse to call it a film) I've ever had the misfortune to watch.Director Franco again proves that he is totally incompetent both in front & behind the camera, random shots of speed boats & the local scenery, totally unnecessary slow pans & zooms which are both pointless & take up a lot of the running time, he can't keep his camera in focus & he films everything in a flat, boring & throughly dull manner. Most of the version I saw simply consisted of the worst soft-core porn imaginable coupled with some of the worst elevator music my sensitive ears have been subjected too. Everything about this piece of crap is rotten & real bottom of the barrel stuff. There's barely a drop of blood in this cut of the film although a few deleted scenes knocking around suggest that in alternate shots Irina drinks blood.Technically the film is up to Franco's usual standards, which means it's absolutely awful in every regard. I can't stress how much I hated this thing. Since half the character's in this thing are mute there's barely any dialogue so there are long stretches where no one says anything & Franco just plays that terrible music to seemingly random images. The English dubbed dialogue is amongst the worst I've ever heard, it makes no sense most of the time & people just don't talk like this.Les Avaleuses is crap, it's as simple & straight forward as that. Looking at some of the external reviews for Les Avaleuses confirms that nobody, apart from Franco fans on the IMDb, has a good word to say about it & I can see why. If you want a proper sex film then find a proper one rather than this soft-core 70's piece of crap & if you want a proper horror film than get anything other than this misleading rubbish. I'd rather tear my eyes out than have to sit through this piece of crap again, it really is that bad. For insomniacs & masochists only.