Scott LeBrun It's the not so distant "future" (1998, to be exact) and Earth has been decimated by nuclear wars. What's left is a barren wasteland, not that we ever get to see it. A small team of Army deserters (three men, two women) come across a scientific installation where your standard issue strange experiments have been going on. In this case, they revolved around creating those amino acids that the human body can't create on its own. The result is a monster that makes mincemeat of these dumb chumps in record time.One can't help but laugh at micro budget drek such as "Creepozoids", which is good, because otherwise, we wouldn't really get much entertainment value out of it. Everything about it is primitive, including the makeup and creature effects. Co-writer / co-producer / director David DeCoteau pays as much tribute to "Alien" as he can, but the gaps between the two films are hilariously obvious at every turn. There's zero suspense, very little action, a redundant finale, the requisite sex and nudity (it *does* star Linnea Quigley, after all), a delicious and catchy cheese ball electronic score by Guy Moon, and amusing performances.Linnea is lovely and appealing, as she always is. Ken Abraham ("Hobgoblins"), Michael Aranda, Richard L. Hawkins ("Close Encounters of the Third Kind"), and extremely prolific adult film actress Ashlyn Gere co-star.The ending is particularly bad, but it adds to the appeal of this hunk of junk.Five out of 10.

Woodyanders 1998. World War III has reduced the planet into a dangerous wasteland complete with acid rain. Five army deserters seek refuge in an abandoned laboratory complex. Naturally, the place turns out to be the stalking grounds for both lethal mutated rats and a huge'n'savage subhuman beast. Man, does this wonderfully wretched junk possess all the right stuff to qualify as a real four-star stinkeroonie: The ham-fisted (non)direction by David DeCouteau (who also co-wrote the dire and hopelessly derivative script with Buford Hauser), the lousy acting, the tacky gore (one guy pukes what looks like motor oil in a mess hall scene that's directly lifted from ALIEN), the endless shots of folks running up and down corridors, the glaring lapses in logic (a post-nuke world which still has functioning computers and showers with clean water in it!), and a seriously lame "it ain't over yet!" final freeze frame all provide a wealth of unintentional belly laughs. Moreover, the cut-rate (far from) special effects are a complete cheesy riot: The hilariously hokey and unconvincing over-sized stuffed rats, some poor schmoe in an obvious rubbery monster suit, and a hysterically pathetic mutant puppet baby are all sidesplitting sorry sights to behold. Richard L. Hawkins as inept squad leader Jake makes for a laughably wimpy and ineffectual would-be hero. As a yummy plus, the ever-luscious Linnea Quigley once again bares her beautifully bountiful breasts and takes a steamy shower. Thomas L. Calloway's dingy cinematography and Guy Moon's redundantly bouncy score are both perfectly putrid. A real cruddy hoot and a half.

Michael_Elliott Creepozoids (1987)** (out of 4) In the distant future (year 1998), a group of survivors find an abandoned building as they are trying to find safety. You see, the world was pretty much destroyed by monstrous creatures and this group just wants to live in peace but soon they realize that they're not alone. Director David DeCoteau has made over a hundred movies in his career but this one here stands out for several reasons. One is that it was his first film shot on 35mm and another reason is that it features Linnea Quigley in the shower. CREEPOZOIDS is often called one of the worst films of the decade but I think those comments are rather harsh when you consider this was shot in just 15-days with a $150,000 budget. The film isn't like most of its type as this here at least tries to do something big. I say that because usually these types of films just feature people walking around and getting killed one-by-one but off camera. People are constantly walking around here and getting killed but thankfully the film went the extra mile to come up with a monster and several gory scenes. The monster is obviously fake but this doesn't take away from the entertainment as he's constantly going after people. The end results includes all sorts of blood effects but also plenty of goo being thrown around. The death scenes aren't all that memorable but at least they're fun and just wait until you see the exploding eye. Even these effects aren't the greatest but they're at least fun and that's good enough. At just 68-minutes (without the end credits) the film really does feel like the type of "B" picture from the 1950s. The only difference is the gore and nudity. Fans of Quigley will enjoy her sequence in the shower and there's no question that she's quite charming here delivering some pretty bad lines. Most people aren't going to want to watch a low-budget film like this but if you enjoy campy "B" movies then there's plenty to enjoy here.

lost-in-limbo I'm not going to go out of my way to furiously bash it, but you can tell that I didn't care for director David DeCoteau's dragging quick-buck, direct-to-video post-apocalyptic sci-fi / horror film it at all. Everyone brings it up and deservedly so, the infamously steamy shower scene of its big draw-card Linnea Quigley. It's quite short, but transfixing. Even the schlock special effects and make-up FX are conceived with excessively grisly (gooey blood-leaking), tasteless and shonky details, but don't look all that bad for such a bottom-barrel budget (oh with the horrendous exception of the rubbery creature … or whatever?). Although for such a small running time and having a slight premise, it felt rather padded out and pointless. The opening sequence is laughably ridiculous. Some purposeless, unexplained things crop up (like large vicious rodent attacks and an aggressive new-born), but that's were the little excitement came from. It really does dawdle along and uses up commonly dull devices. I don't know how many times I could take seeing these folks run down the same corridor over and over again. DeCoteau had a chance to strike up some claustrophobic tension from these tightly limited (if disposable cardboard) sets, but never did he executed it well enough. Instead he favoured cheap, predictable shocks that were flatly handled. The fidgety synthesizer score is systematic across the board, and in passages the dark, hazy camera-work didn't help out matters.