zee ...the most awful film in the history of cinema.Imagine every embarrassing moment you've ever had and imagine every time you've witnessed somebody else's embarrassing moment and felt empathy for them. Imagine every humiliation; guys imagine every unintentional boner, gals imagine every spotting of white pants at the dance, imagine every drunk puking into the gutter, bad dancing, flubbed speech, insulting someone who is standing right behind you when you didn't know they were there. Picture cursing a blue streak and realizing your religious grandmother was in the next room listening, just every awful thing that makes your belly churn and your face turn red to recall. Imagine being forced to re-live it all in an instant, and then somehow you are forced to consume it and then you vomit it all back out and for 90 more minutes you are forced to wallow in that vomit, a vomit reeking of despair and chagrin, acidic with the burning wish that it had never happened...That is the experience of watching this movie. It is the stuff of some circle of Hell undiscovered before 1991. It is NOT funny.

Sean Murphy I was lucky enough to catch this film at the Cannes palm de'olive film and script show in Grimbsy. Settling in my seat i was sceptical as what i would make of Vanilla ice's acting debut, i was not to be disappointed. As soon as the film started you were captivated from the onslaught of this lyrical genius, to put Vanilla into one word as "God" would be an understatement, if he were alive 2000 years ago im sure the disciples would of followed him instead of Jesus, and also had them dancing like the rapper he is while they were fishing. the opening scene lets us delve into the life of Johnny played by Vanilla Ice. his on screen performance grabs you by the throat and doesn't let go, if you can remember de niro in the Russian roulette scene in deer hunter, well multiply it by a million and your still not on par with his acting ability. ONCE YOU SEE HIM PEDDLE UP ON HIS NEON YELLOW MOTORCYCLE, you know your in for a treat, Vanilla plays the rebellious Johnny to a T, from start to finish his one word dialogue is enthralling and hits straight at the guts, with his no-nonsense attitude to life and its rules he sways the non believers to worship his style of rap. I hear this was director David Kellog first film with Mr Ice and hopefully we will see more of his collaboration with the funky ICE ICE BABY. After 90 mins of pure unadulterated rush of adrenaline film script, it was sad to see the credits roll, but the audience at the cinema stood up and gave an ovation to the brilliant mind that is VANILLA. Hopefully there will be a sequel. 10/10

jbontheroad This one of the films in my top rotation of all films. Imagine living in a sleepy village and these guys turn up! Finally a break in their boring stamp-like-front-gardens-on-a-sitting-mower lives. Imagine the Sugar Shack being your prime venue for entertainment. And who else can bunny hop their big strong motorcycle over a 6 ft fence? The one liners and language in this film are beyond cool! Not wanting to pen down the entire scrip I'd like to highlight the "yup yup she likes me", "going across the street to sling a schlong", "we don't have a cat" and everybody's favorite "drop that zero and give it a hero". After owning the VHS I wanted to upgrade to DVD but this film is so exclusive it was never released on DVD. Best film in Super-Technicolor ever!

jessegehrig Float on! Are we machines made of flesh? Are we one single organism floating through the darkness of space? Truth is a golden statue standing upon clay feet. At Truth's heart there is only belief, we believe and therefore it makes it true. Is this a Vanilla Ice movie? Yes. Did some one write it? Yes, and that author was paid in earth monies. Why do we struggle? Why do we suffer? I throw words out into the ether of space/time and do those words fall or rise? What words can describe this movie? What words do you need to understand this movie? Can such words exist? Does Vanilla sing a song in this movie, sing should be in quotations as Ice has zero talent, the answer is yes. Have I been drinking as I write this, again, yes! Pabst Blue Ribbon. Hey man, you want to see a real crap movie, may I recommend Cool As Ice. Someday this world will end.