bordentownfilms Hey, you know your stupid friend that's always running around with the video camera? You know, the guy who thinks he's hilarious but in reality is just an unfunny jackass that nobody has the heart to tell how much his movies suck? Well guess what? Because you couldn't man up and tell him to abandon his moronic dream of being a filmmaker, I had to sit through 'Cheerleader Autopsy.' I know, you thought the trashy cheerleaders would make for a fun sex-romp comedy, but remember that part where they died in the beginning and you didn't see a single breast for the next hour? That was your fault.You could've stopped this. It didn't have to be this way. But you had to be the nice guy, didn't you? People like you are responsible for all the world's tragedies. I bet Hitler had a friend just like you--somebody who could've said, "Hey Adolf, give this painter thing another chance, don't go into politics" but didn't. Yeah, you belong in the same circle of Hell as THAT guy.No, I don't know if God will forgive you.Please stop crying. There really isn't any way you'd know what would be loosed upon the world by your inaction. But there is a way you can make up for it. 'Cheerleader Autopsy 2' is in preproduction. There's still time to grab whoever is responsible for this horror (the intellectual kind, not the genre), rip the camera from his hands and plead with him PLEAD! for him to go back to shooting wedding videos instead.You have your mission. Now you must go. Me? Oh, don't worry, I won't leave you ... I'll be around ... lest we forget.

T-Ripper Variety is the spice of life, and as a film lover, I like some of everything: Hollywood formula movies, pretentious art films, and unusual stuff that grows in the cracks in between. Stuff like CHEERLEADER AUTOPSY.The plot, such as it is, says a lot:Slice of Lowlife: Loser graduates from blow up sex dolls to sleeping corpses after he takes a job with a degenerate mortician. When fresh meat arrives in the form of dead cheerleaders laid out on the slab, battle begins to see who will emerge as king of the necrophiliacs.If this were a drama, it would be horribly misanthropic, but in fact, C.A. is a mixture of romance, horror and crazy comedy. Hilarious moments pockmark the movie like a bad case of acne, and the cast ham it up as if the're in some old Warhol project. The janitor is played so creepily as to make Crispin Glover nervous, and as the white trash ingénue, Misty Kapp shines as bright as a beer can. I don't know about you, but I've seen enough peroxide blond brats, silly-cone tits and collagen lips for a while. Misty Kapp hits the g-spot in the role of The-Girl(in the trailer)-Next-Door. I hope to see her in more (or in less) in the future.When Hollywood makes a slob comedy, the usual plot device is to depict a lovable rogue surrounded by good hearted but misunderstood outcasts. Vince Vaughn, for example, in DODGE BALL. Here, heroic, or "good" characters are notable only for their absence. There are no smart people, no nice people, no positive values, no morals. These characters' only concern is where their next beer or orgasm will come from. This absolute refusal to show anybody who is not a worthless P. of S. is one of the things that gives CHEERLEADER AUTOPSY it's edge. With no familiar signposts of morality, it gives the movie a sense of danger. Face it- even regarding the best of most Hollywood products, you know how the movie will end just by looking at the poster. With a movie like C.A., knowing anything can happen, means you don't know what will happen. It's far from normal, and that's the fun. John Waters used to make movies like this, before he succumbed to the Hollywood dollar(s), but it's few and far between since then. In fact, this is a lot like Water's early stuff and that's a good barometer of whether you'll like it. You can't recommend PINK FLAMINGOS to just anyone, and the same is true of C.A. It's not for the squeamish, the overly sensitive, the politically correct. If you're metroplex mainstream, in the mood for the next Bruckheimer blockbuster, you'll hate it; The art house crowd will despise it. But if you like variety, and need to decompress from the above choices now and then, fire up the bong, and open the six pack, and take the dirt road off the mainstream highway to CHEERLEADER AUTOPSY. .

darklance OK, so it was independently made and the budget might buy you a round at your local bar, but it was still bad. But for the bare breasts shown throughout I don't think I would have lasted 15 minutes.The story was entertaining, but the gratuitous gore was a waste. Could we not develop this a bit more and leave the gross-outs to the Russian army? But I guess some people like that kind of stuff. Too bad they are too young to be allowed to watch R-rated films.Kudos go to the special effects people, they did their best I assume. Rumor has it that several of the cheerleaders were part of said team. I wish they had gotten more screen time. 4 of the 5 were pretty cute.Would I have paid for this? No, and so I am very happy to report that a free copy is available for download if you go looking for it. If I ha burned it to disc it would have been a waste of $0.25. I guess if you count the electricity used in the viewing I have been ripped off.

MattyMunky Cheerleader Autopsy clearly was made on a very low budget. It's an ambitious attempt and clearly a large amount of effort has been employed to produce sets and arrange it's production.The problem is that whilst lengths have been taken to provide the odd bit of nudity and appalling attempt at slap stick wit, the story and script are appalling."Let's get out there and make a film" they might have said. What they should have said is "Let's get out there and make a GOOD film"Given the premise, and the fact that the film has clearly been marketed well enough for me to have seen it, it's a shame no effort was made to produce quality, otherwise they'd have had an audience and maybe made a future for themselves.