HumanoidOfFlesh "Boardinghouse" is among the weirdest horror movies I have ever seen.It's obnoxious and stupid.Jim Royce(played John Wintergate)buys the house where supernatural evil dwells killing various people.Like typical alpha male he wants to create for himself harem of numerous college girls.But the evil begins to kill girls one by one...Incomprehensible-this is the perfect word to describe John Wintergate's "Boardinghouse".There are several hallucinatory moments that has to be seen to be fully believed.The acting is pitiful,the direction is bad and the gore effects are nasty and amateurish.Whole sections of "Boardinghouse" are utterly nonsensical and ignore each other.Still if you are a fan of completely whacked out horror movies like "A Night to Dismember","Scream" from 1981 or "Blood Beat" give this cinematic drug a look.6 meditation tapes out of 10.

Scarecrow-88 A suburban house with multiple rooms, a pool out back and a chilling history of violence and death is purchased by Jim(John Wintergate who wrote and directed it)who rents it out to a number of women needing a place to stay. Victoria(Kalassu)is a model who falls for Jim and her secret nemesis is the mysterious Dee(Alexander Day), often seen digging in the yard. Victoria begins to practice "meta-physics" exercises after becoming inspired by levitation tricks performed by Jim who can move objects with the power of thought. Meanwhile members of the boardinghouse fall prey to supernatural forces which guide them to horrible demises. Something evil rests within the estate of this boardinghouse and Victoria suffers from a series of eerie nightmares where hands rise from an inferno-like hole in her bed, and some red-eyed mass of black pursues her. This red-eyed fiend is often shown appearing right before innocents are murdered. Eyes are gouged, a hand is caught in a garbage disposal with blood squirting all over the place, a person removes his guts, a victim is forced to shoot an innocent party goer and then himself, and a cat is bashed in the head with a hammer. While we realize that something beyond the natural is motivating the blood shed, there's also a physical presence also committing crime. Who is the vessel being used by the evil entity and can it be stopped? There's also a sub-plot regarding a woman, raped previously by her fiancé, who is shaken when the man she left behind finds her "hiding place." Painful in it's amateurishness, Wintergate's film proves that not everyone has an ability to make a sound film of particular quality. Being shot on video with endless scenes that either go on too long or are cut before characters can finish their dialogue, "Boardinghouse" reeks of a lack of professional film-making ability. Wintergate does line himself with a group of ladies willing to go the extra mile for his little movie. It looks like it was shot with a camcorder, made by friends in the suburbs or just outside a city(..or in a few vacated buildings within a city)for like 10,000 dollars. It features a rotating synth soundtrack and home-made grue. The film is at times quite claustraphobically confined within rooms of the title setting. The film features no-names with a desire to enter the film-making business. It, to me, was made when a gathering of friends at a gettogether decided to say, "let's go make a movie." I'm surprised films like this are distributed, but I often wonder what Wintergate might do with the proper funding with an ability to shoot films cheap on digital. There's a market and audience for films like "Boardinghouse" and Code Red delivers a fun interview with Wintergate and Kalassu on the DVD release. This film will undoubtedly work best for fans of rancid cinema who are interested in what these type of people dressed like(..and drove)in the early 80's. The sensibilities of these characters also expose what the 80's was all about. Many of the girls in Wintergate's cast go topless, including one really weird scene in the shower where blood leaks down the dirty tiles of a shower as one of the females is showering. Also a funny scene where Jim moves a bar of soap with his power of concentration for Victoria before dragging her in the bathtub!

Luisito Joaquin Gonzalez (LuisitoJoaquinGonzalez) Move over Nail Gun Massacre, make way Last Slumber Party and step aside Night Ripper… There's a new kid in town.... Boarding House is the new contender for king of the trash-video crown. A movie so criminally wretched that you'll believe that you've died and been deported to bad movie hell. I Learnt of its existence from The Terror Trap, and then looked it up on the IMDb where I read various write-ups that described the inadvertent humour and jaw droppingly cheesy horror. I immediately set about buying a copy and two weeks later, here's what I found… It begins with a prologue showing us murders that have plagued 'The Hoffman House'. A guy is pushed into a swimming pool (hardly a life threatening incident - I'm sure you'll agree), another pulls out his own intestines and an unseen someone with a black glove forces a woman (that really doesn't seem too concerned) to hang herself. These are all intercut with a computer screen that shows us in text that every person that has ever so much as entered the abode has ended up either hung, drawn, quartered or has suffered some other gruesome fate. So can you guess who will be the next occupants to move in to the mansion and meet their doom? Why of course you can - it's a randy telekinetic guy and a troupe of beaming 'hotties' with a tonne of mascara but not a trace of common sense between them! Yep, the would-be stud puts out an advertisement that no female in her right mind could refuse. 'Girls Girls Girls, if you're between eighteen and twenty five, unattached and beautiful, then I want you to share my ten bedroom house with me.' Without further to do, they turn up in their droves, all cheesy smiles and push-up cleavage like lambs to the slaughter. No boarding/sorority or any such house from the early eighties would be complete without some kind of ruthless maniac running around killing people - and the Hoffman House is no exception. So before you've had time to say 'slasher', the girls are having strange nightmares and dieing at the black-gloved hand of an unseen assailant! Surprisingly, to all intents and purposes, Boarding House is not your typical hack and slasher. Director John Wintergate has chucked in a neat dose of outer-body mayhem, which means that the killer can eliminate the useless thespians without being anywhere near them at the time of the slaughter. This gives us the chance to see the drama school dropouts attempting to look as if they've suddenly been possessed by a mysteriously hellish agony, without knowing where the hell it's come from. Cue plenty of unconvincing facial expressions and stilted cries as the cast choke and pull off their faces whilst trying to act like they're completely unaware why they're doing it! In one particular scene, our heroine screams consistently for about two minutes while she suffers (yet) another of her 'terrifying' nightmares, which I think reached double figures before the final credits rolled. I bet that she needed some super-strength throat soothers after that yelling marathon.The 'star' of the movie, Hank Adly, also provided his fair share of nonsensical humour. Look out for the part when he goes into a deep trance and makes a bar of soap fly around in his bathtub to show off his telekinetic abilities. Apparently, Method maestro Johnny Depp based his Academy Award nominated swagger from Pirates of the Caribbean on leathery Rolling Stone, Keith Richards. Well this guy goes one step better. He actually looks like that debauchery addled axe man's friend and fellow Brit-rock rogue, Rod Stewart. To be honest, seeing a husky Rod Stewart look-alike battle with a psychopathic killer seemed like an invitation that was just too good to be missed.There's certainly plenty of nonsensical activity to bring a smile to the lips to those who cherish those classic bad movie moments. The final scene is particularly hilarious, as the killer and two survivors stand off for a telekinetic battle. Staged like a showdown from a Sergio Leone movie, the three gather in a circle and simultaneously gurn as they each try to inflict psychic pain on one another. Its hard to give you a description that would do justice to the extent of the inadvertent humour, but trust me - it's worth its weight in comedy Gold! There's a fair bit of trashy gore, which is cheap but brightens up the screen, and all of the female cast members manage to whip off their underwear at one point or another. In other words, there's just enough gratuitous exploitation to satisfy fans of the stalk and slash genre.Boarding House IS as mind numbingly atrocious as you had probably expected it to be. Even the back cover blurb has NO relevance whatsoever to the movie and I can't forget to mention the wonderful tagline that promises intrigue, suspicion and a sinister environment (yeah right!). Oh and before I go, I'll leave you with a quote from the female lead singer of '33 and a third' – The heavy metal band that 'entertain' the party at the film's climax. "You say you want a rock romance, you've been begging just to get in my pants!" I'll say no more

deecroh I worked at a video store where we happened to have a copy of boardinghouse, and after laughing uncontrollably at the cover, I talked some friends into renting it. Since then, for about 4 years straight we would always rent boardinghouse on new years eve and watch it prior to the ball drop, as it became a cult tradition in our area. My favorite line has to be when one of the random men walk in and say "What is this, a harem?" and a random woman replys in a high pitched voice, "no." the mans response is just, "Well, sh*t." who can write dialogue like that? Great scenes include when the refrigerator throws food upon one of the young women, and you can see the arm stretching out of the fridge to throw yogurt at the poor actress. A truly bad movie that is a gas to watch, I would love to get a copy on tape, but 'tis hard to find.