gpeltz Oh my, it's the, Attack of the beast creatures, (1985) Directed by Michael Stanley, and written by Robert A. Hutton. Spoiler Alert ahead. Not long ago, I was trying to define Cheesy, when it came to movies. I think I've got it. This effort might as well acknowledge the Truth in packaging laws, and call itself, Attack of the puppet hunter dolls. OK, the gimmick worked in Trilogy of Terror (1975) so now we have an island full of them.I have to hand it to this rag tag group of actors, putting their best to make this nonsense, So what have we here? A lifeboat with a handful of survivors, Five guys and Four woman. A usual bland assortment. None of them are schooled in survival skills, nor in self defense. There are the good guys; Robert Nolfi plays John, pals with Case and Phillip, as played by Robert Lengyel and Frank Murgalo, We can tell they are the good guys, they wear ties, halfway through the production. Nobody likes Mr. Morgan played by Robert Furgelusky, No one player memorable, How could they be, given the material they had to work with. I pity the fools. Same could be said for the woman. Underwritten and devoid of personality, save for Mrs Gordon, played by Kay Baily, who everyone likes. The other woman, Cathy and Diane, played by Julia Rust, and Lisa Pac, mostly are called upon to scream and run. Did I mention banal dialogue? "Look, there goes Bill running down the hill, No, don't Stop" They manage to pull off the non monster sequences, hoping that when it comes down to it. the effects won't look as phony as the toys they have to work with. They spin around with these rag dolls taped on them, and act like they are fighting off a savage attack. I am reminded of Lugosi fighting off the rubber Octopus prop,in a swamp. The gore scenes are blatantly phony. This could be said for all the effects in general, I saw the puppeteers hand manipulating the dolls, The "attacking dolls" are tossed haphazardly at the actors, while the sound artists try to figure out what these little hunters battle cry, should sound like. The effects do not match the look of the dolls, we hear the pitter patter of running feet, and the screechy sounds, none of which seem to fit the action. All the while the synthesized soundtrack by John P Mozzi, tries to find a tune to fit the picture, and fails miserably. . Cavernous sounds well up, Rick Wakeman style, and inappropriately. The organ does what a good soundtrack should not, it calls attention to itself, over the action. So this is cheesy On the plus side, the Acid water was an interesting display of originality, what was it doing here? A similar device was used in "The Life of Pi."(2012) The film constantly challenges common sense, and in that it is consistent. that is why the film makes compelling viewing. You find yourself wondering why the girls are still wearing jewelry so late in, why the men don't make weapons, or at least carry sticks. Why they don't find a strategy to fend off the attacks, Nothing nunca, none of the above. I give it Four out of Ten "Inane" Stars

Theo Robertson With a title like ATTACK OF THE BEAST CRETURES you're certainly not expecting CITIZEN KANE but even with very low expectations this is a dreadful movie and what let's it down is the technical aspects . " What technical aspects Theo? " Exactly . From the very opening frame of the film you know you're going to be watching a shipwreck of a movie In fact everything about the film can be summed up by the opening . We have a totally inappropriate soundtrack played on a synthesiser . Michael Mann's THE KEEP also a bizarre soundtrack that feels it belongs to an entirely different movie but at least that film redeemed itself by some great cinematography and camera work . Here it seems the director took his mates on a day trip to the beach . Everything about the movie screams amateur film maker Perhaps the most noticeable thing is the acting or rather the lack of it . I genuinely thought this was an Italian movie badly dubbed in to English . It's certain ly got that vibe where any emotion or inflexion in the voices is totally negated by other people calmly talking their lines as in " Oh no I'm being attacked by a horde of monsters mercy me " in the same sort of tone you'd expect someone to read out their laundry list The only saving grace - and I'm being totally charitable here - is the eponymous beast creatures themselves . It would be very easy for the director to get a bunch of extras to don wigs and pretend to be flesh eating monsters . Here we have what effectively fairground gonks that attack the cast and who are less wooden than the cast which means this movie gets three out of ten instead of two out of ten

Tromafreak Why 1920? Who said that would be a good Idea? Why does nothing about this movie make sense? Was this movie meant to be seen by humans? I have some more questions regarding Attack Of The Beast Creatures. But I'm certainly not holding out for any answers. I'm not sure what I was expecting from this one, but the type of peculiar offered here kind of caught me off guard. Now I've seen a lot of interesting/unique/obscure/terrible Z-grade cinema in my day. Hundreds, in fact, but something tells me this one's one of a kind. The ineptness of it all. The fakeness of those... things!! But really, what I find most peculiar about Attack Of The Beast Creatures is that I actually kinda loved it. We begin with the survivors of a sunken ship, who barely make it to an uncharted Island. This island appears to be quiet, and empty, so their only concern now is to quickly find water and nourishment, any water they manage to find turns out to be acid (the bad kind) and on top of that, this island isn't so empty after all. This Island is the home of hundreds of vicious, little fake-looking/flesh-eating creatures, who have recently discovered the walking buffet, who have unknowingly invaded their territory. That's right, Beast Creatures. Nothing, and I mean nothing about these damn things say "I'm a living being." Just a bunch of little dolls with red skin, and white eyes, that people behind the camera toss towards the cast, who unconvincingly pretend the things are biting them. despite being alive, the cast is even less convincing than the Beast Creatures. I don't know if they thought people had brain-damage in 1920, or these people were actually brain-damaged, in that case, I suppose we should be impressed, other than that, I don't know, there's just something a little "off" about everything in this one. Kinda like in Troll 2. If you haven't seen that one, see it!! nevermind the first one. Anyway, I only speak negatively of this the beast creatures because the negativity is more than obvious. It's all in good fun. The truth is, complete and utter cluelessness of Attack of the Beast Creatures intrigues me to no end. And it's hilarious. Yeah, I'm one of those people. Can't help it. As soon as I read about it, I knew it would be amazing. Lucky for me, I still have a VCR. How about a DVD release? Maybe with some Joe Bob Briggs audio commentary. I think that would be keen. If hearing of the awkward ineptness of this freak-of-nature doesn't scare you off, then you're probably feeling a little curious. If that be the case, go with it. Definitely worth the search, and the price. You won't be sorry... Well, maybe a little. 8/10

Coventry Bunch of shipwrecked travelers - who all left their acting capacities aboard the sinking ship - wash ashore an unmapped island that isn't entirely kosher. First and foremost, it's a tropical island even though they were supposed to float in the North Atlantic. Secondly, the still water on this island causes people to dissolve painfully! Quite an alarming little fact, if you ask me, but the assembly of middle-aged castaway survivors remain pretty damn calm at the sight of one of their buddies bloodily melting away in a puddle of water. "Well, I guess this means we all have to be a lot more careful from now on". That's it? Thanks for the grief and compassion, dude! Anyway, it's not over yet, as the island appears to be inhabited by some sort of creatures that can eat all the flesh off a human body and leave only a clean skeleton in just an hour of time. Overnight, the group gets virulently attacked by an army of tiny, flashy-eyed satanic creatures (very reminiscent to Karen Black's Zuni doll in "Trilogy of Terror") and "Attack of the Beast Creatures" promptly becomes one of the silliest, cheesiest and most ludicrous horror flicks of the entire 80's decade. These things are so cute! How they stampede, the squeaky sounds they produce, their admirably sharp little set of teeth … I swear, if you see one, you'll want to have a toy version to decorate your living room with! You can say a lot about "Attack of the Beast Creatures", but definitely not that it's boring! One out-and-out crazy sequence follows the other in a massively fast-paced filming style and you don't even have too much time to contemplate about the stupidity factor or to expect any sort of explanation. The film properly follows Agatha Christie's Ten Little Indians principle; meaning the characters kick the bucket one by one and in a structured and orderly fashion. The group also contains all the required stereotypes, like the selfish bastard, the hysterical broad, the young lovers and the fat bloke sacrificing himself. There's a joyous sequence paying tribute to Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" when one of the characters wanders around and the critters surrounding her in up in the trees gradually increase in number. First there's just one specimen scrutinizing her. Then three. Then seven. Then when she looks up there are literally dozens of little demons watching down on her. "Attack of the Beast Creatures" may not exactly be a masterpiece of film-making, but it's tremendously enjoyable 80's baloney with loads of gore, outrageous outbursts of laughter, inane dialogs and not the slightest bit of good taste.