Neil Welch Jaws was a great movie. Creature From The Black Lagoon wasn't a bad movie. There is no reason why their offspring should be a bad movie. And yet it is. Very bad.OK, so someone lends you a videocamera, gives you fortyseven quid, and suggests you should go and make a film. Here are the lessons you can learn from Aquanoids: 1. Start by writing a script where the dialogue is believable (eg. don't have your character saying "It's the missing surfer!" - we KNOW it's the missing surfer).2. Cast actors who can act, even if only a little bit.3. Find an editor who can edit and a director who can direct (see the sequence where the two girls go to the marina on scooters and then head out on the jetski for a masterclass in how not to do either).4. Steer clear of gratuitous video effects - what worked in Predator won't work if you can't afford to do it properly; 5. Avoid synthesiser music.6. Don't make a sequel when no-one ever made the original.7. Don't call your movie "Aquanoids" if there's only one Aquanoid.But I do award a point over the baseline minimum for a) the sheer gall of starting off with an appalling day-for-night cross between From Here To Eternity's rolling in the surf sequence and the Jaws opening sequence, and b) gratuitous boobage.This was in the cheapo cheapo DVD bin. I wuz robbed.

BA_Harrison My colleagues at work often question my taste in film: they cannot understand why I waste my time championing low budget horror when I could be watching the latest blockbuster to wow the masses at the local multiplex. After watching Aquanoids, I'm beginning to wonder why I bother myself.Set on a small island off the Californian coast, Aquanoids stars Laura Nativo as Vanessa, a beautiful diver who, after being attacked by a hideous fish-man, attempts to warn the locals of the danger that lurks in the surrounding waters. This upsets the nasty officials of the island, who are afraid that Vanessa will scare away tourists and upset plans for the building of a shopping complex.A shoddy mish-mash of themes and ideas stolen from the likes of Jaws, Humanoids From The Deep, and The Creature From The Black Lagoon, Aquanoids is absolutely awful in almost every way imaginable: the direction is clumsy and amateurish; the script is childish, poorly written, and highly unoriginal; the editing shows no hint of restraint, utilising every gimmicky fade, wipe and split-screen effect possible; the monster make-up and gore is cheap and laughable; the special effects are unconvincing; and the acting is uniformly awful. Even some welcome female nudity cannot stop this one from being a total waste of time.Whilst watching this lamentable mess, I noticed that one character had the surname McClure, whilst another was named Bruce—possible references to actor Doug McClure (from Humanoids From The Deep) and Bruce the Shark (from Jaws). There is also a scene where several characters discuss their favourite watery monster movies, mentioning Deep Star Six, Leviathan, Tentacles, Alligator 2 and Roger Corman in the process. This leads me to believe that the makers of Aquanoids are genuine fans of horror and B-movies. If this is the case, then those involved should hang their heads in shame for giving us this abysmal addition to the genre.

hocfocprod OK, it's obvious the budget on this movie wasn't huge...or big...or enough even, but I'm a sucker for rubber-suit monster flicks and Aquanoids delivers. It's shot well and the sound is clean most of the time. Some things don't make much sense, but it's about sea monsters, so leave your disbelief at the door, make some popcorn and give the DVD a spin.If you think the old Doctor Who episodes are too schlocky looking, or the monsters in Space 1999 ruin the plot line, then this movie probably isn't for you.If you want some gore, nudity, an above average for this type of movie plot and a cool looking monster than you'll probably enjoy Aquanoids. I'm not saying to run out and buy it, but it certainly worth an online rental for monster fans.

Gnesis13 First of all, let us examine the title. If a humanoid is "like a human" then is an aquanoid "like.....water?" Hmmm....Anyway, this movie is so bad it will give you a headache. Not even kidding, the aspect ratio of the film is bad, so the screen contorts not only the video, but also your retina. And the acid-flashback you go on every time they show the aforementioned water-like creature doesn't help either. While it provides minor nudity, and some violence (like a man who stands helpless as his balls are crushed to a bloody pulp by a girl, a feeling you will share at the end of the movie) we only recommend this in cases of extreme desperation.