prodavidbro Exclelent movie because i could not understand it's complex themes and overarcin g plots with good characters my favorite is gurgling sock puppoet and how he carried the movie with spectacualer performance by john anyway i thought the spescial affects were pretty alright however i did not appreciate how the dinosaurs weer always chewing gum :( not good for the teeth and could send a bad message to yte youth, overall this movie was pretty okay, i cannot wait nfor the sequel cheers :)

mmevanille-53097 This is a piece of comedy gold. Unfortunately none of the cast stuck around to make a sequel to this madness.We see from the very beginning what kind of quality movie it is. Looking at the 5 minute long credit sequence ( for a cast of about 6 people), the blaring one man band electric guitar. He found a good riff and by god he is gonna stick with it.... over and over and over...... But he does find other riffs through the film, which he repeats over and over and overWe are introduced to the 'dinosaurs' early on. Hard to really know what they are as they seem a combination of sock puppets and images recorded by holding a cam to the screen of old movies, saving them as a .bmp, jumping on photoshop and getting that auto-select option, paste them into the film and move them from side to side. What you get is just a pixelated mess. Even the 'actors' ( mostly a bunch of hunched hooded smudges waving at the camera) glide across screen in 8 bit Nintendo graphics style pixellisation.We then get a series of cut scenes of random shapes and colours, pylons, more sock puppets, and vague non descriptive backgrounds. If it wasn't for the narrator, there would be no sense whatsoever. I'm guessing it was about a futuristic arena or something.Then we have a discussion between monsters/aliens or something. I dont really know because in 'digitizing' their voices, there is no way it can be deciphered. Its just electronic incomprehensible drivel and muttering. Then suddenly you hear a word or two that can be understood. Some is subtitled, but its spoken too quick and the plot is so convoluted that its impossible to follow unless you watch it more times than any sane person would. After about 3 minutes of Alien conversation I realized trying to understand the plot was a mission in hopelessness and relied on the narrator to make sense of it. But I wasn't going to give up and press that all too alluring skip forward button. Some other points of this gem ( Too many to mention really )The camera zooms into random spots. Spots on the floor, Spots on the wall. Sometimes its chicken bones or coral. Sometimes its a rock. But most of the time it seems completely random. You cant tell what they are or why they are important, but hey his camera had a zoom option so why not use it? The editor also left in some great lingering shots of these red smudges on the wall, which I appreciated. The one of two human-like guy's who do have lines ( The newzealander ), and the only character who can be understood is badly dubbed with the speech not matching his words.The other makes Tommy Wiseau and Adam Baugh seem like real talents; his accent changes whenever there is a new scene or is monotone and he mumbles. He also looks stoned the whole movie. But we do get some lovely split second shots of him standing there like a plank staring into nothing, which is nice because he is a real looker (he isn't) Sometimes his makeup is so overdone that he looks like a zombie but it could also have been overuse of lighting. Because all the 'actors' were probably filmed in blue screen or something, they change heights and perspectives in each scene. Of course you can see their outlines, sometimes an arm is edited out or they turn invisible for a second.... great stuffMovie stops when the narrator speaks, and you get some nice images of... err..... things, some which bellow smoke at inconsistent speeds. Actually these cut scenes make up about 30% of the film. I cant judge the plot or do a spoiler alert because I am not exactly sure what happened; Something about finding some rare alien dinosaur to fight in the arena. Somewhat redeeming qualitiesFor a low budget film costume and props are not terrible. They are still bad, but are not terrible.The Lighting guy did some good work on some scenes. Most was filmed in a cave, and he tried to reflect every different colour light off every surface he could. The editor took this and it was like crack, as he stuffed as many of these into the production cycle as the time limit would allow, about 200 or so cut scenes. I guess they also hired a smoke machine, which was used almost every scene. Big budget. Some nice shots of the forest. Nice as in a welcome break from the rest of the film. Not nice in that although the cameraperson knew how to zoom, he/she certainly didn't know how to focus.I've been on a bit of a bad movie binge at the moment, and this is worse than Birdemic. This is by far the worst movie ever made. It is basically what happens if a stoner film student with a basic knowledge of photoshop and an interest in Asimov, hires a smoke machine and some party lights, calls his dealer and ten of his stoner buddies to do a magic mushroom hunt near a cave, whips out his camera on his phone and starts making a film. Takes it back to his dorm to do some 'editing' while still under the influence.To be honest if you watched an hour of 4 chords strummed on an electric guitar repeatedly while getting bombarded with random colours changing rapidly, it wouldn't be far removed from this. Its not as funny as Birdemic but its still worth a laugh until your ears bleed.

sorednax3 Let's talk about bad movies for a moment. A bad movie tends to fall in one of two categories. The first being that it has some redeeming quality. Maybe it's funny in spite of itself, maybe it becomes a guilty pleasure. The other category is one that is so abysmally bad that it can only be enjoyed with friends over beer and pizza, laughing and making MST3K-esque comments throughout the film. The later was our intention when deciding to watch Actium Maximus: War of the Alien Dinosaurs.This movie was far beyond bad. It belongs in a category all by itself (and then that category needs to be shot into outer space). In fact, ten minutes into this film we could no longer make fun of it. It became physically painful to watch, and may have caused permanent psychological damage. I would not have been surprised, once the movie was over, if my phone would have rung and the voice on the other end informed me I would die in 7 days.It is unclear what writer, director, composer and star Mark Hicks was shooting for, but what is clear is he was clearly not taking his medication. You would think a movie, containing both a narrator and subtitles would make the plot easier to understand. Not so. The narrator speaks as distinctly as the Daleks from Dr. Who. The subtitles, often paragraph long and displayed for only 3 seconds, was certainly in need of a spell checker.I'm no expert, but if I was to venture a guess, Mark invested his life savings into this film, all $140.00, and $25 of that was spent on Chinese food while editing. There were very few humans in this film. Mark Hicks plays Jacinlun Axezun (say that fast 5 times), a character similar to Han Solo. That is if Han was an overweight, monotone, lifeless dullard with all the bravado and sex appeal of a substitute chemistry teacher on anti-depressants. The arch-villain of this film is Grand Automaton Polpox (sounds like a disease) wonderfully played by a box with a blue knob. In order to divert the masses from his genocidal plans to exterminate the Rebel Laffrodites (I seriously am not making these names up)he holds these grand exhibitions pitting alien dinosaurs in mortal combat. Get ready, some serious blue-screen work here. I guess Phil Tippit was booked, because these dinosaurs were crafted from sock puppets, coated in play-doh, bacon and corn syrup. Every good director knows to have an establishing shot, especially when moving from one location to another. Mark doesn't disappoint here, as he creates an establishing shot of the exterior of the city which was actually the surface of a water-less aquarium.Sounds good so far right?So while Mark and his crew (consisting of some woman who may or may not of had dialogue, as she apparently didn't have a microphone) Polpox's right hand man, played by a stalagmite, warns him of an assassination plot against him. The assassin, as it turns out, is a moth. Go figure.The subtitle, "War of the Alien Dinosaurs" is also confusing. To be defined as "alien", it must come from an alien world. That's fine, as Polpox gathers dinosaurs from other planets. But dinosaurs? Unless he has a time machine, these beasts would just be indigenous animals. Or are the indigenous animals once prehistoric animals from the homeworld that somehow migrated across space. But, considering that these dinosaurs are made out of sock puppets, play-doh, bacon and corn syrup, I suppose it doesn't warrant much thought.The one saving grace this film offers is intellectual higher ground. What that means is, if someone is engaged in a conversation and utters the phrase "(insert name here) is the worst movie ever", take comfort in knowing they're wrong.As for me, if I was the sole survivor of a global holocaust, and this was the only DVD left on Earth, believe me when I say I would glee-fully coat my eyes with honey and face-plant into a pile of dirt covered in fire ants.

boots_mcg OK, what to say about Actium Maximus...There are some bad movies that are so horribly awful they circle 'round to awesome. There are bad movies that just suck in their own right. There are good movies, and so-so movies, and movies that are just fun. Then there's Actium Maximus. You can't make a spoiler for this movie because to do that you would have to understand the action enough to comment. This particular movie is worse than Turkish Star wars one and the sequel too. Those movies are so bad they circle 'round to awesome and they make you feel drunk even if you're stone cold sober. Actium circles 'round from bad to awesome, but then it doesn't stop there, it takes another trip to badville, then 'round again to awesome, then finally it sets up a little feudal kingdom on the border of "Bad" and "stock footage of paint drying while a harpy screams incoherently." If you are into self punishment this movie is for you. It actually will cause your brain to hurt.